I Want To Be Somebody's # 1

"If you let her know that she 's your priority and remind her how much you care,

You'll be amazed at how many problems disappear in your relationship."

So there is no hiding it or faking it, ALL women want to be somebody's #1!!!!  But the tricky part is having your husband/companion realize that lol.  When I decided to start this blog I promised myself that it would be completely raw and honest.  My mom always taught me honesty is the best policy.  But I also want to make sure I never hurt anyone's feelings along the way.  So please know that the words  in this post are facts because my husband; Brent, would sit here and tell you the same things about himself.  So in a nut shell, Brent is a beyond reserved human being.  Let me just paint a picture for you.  21 years ago a mutual friend came over to my house for a visit and Brent tagged along.  At the time we were both still in highschool.  He literally stood in my parents driveway with his arms crossed and maybe said 3 words.  Ok ok I'll give him 4 words lol.  Then when we all went inside to hangout my Mom and Dad asked me if he was there to hold up the wall, because he stood in our living room with his back up against the wall the whole entire evening.  He never sat.  Well needless to say not much connection was made at that point.  I will admit I thought he was very cute, there was something about his chiseled jawline that I loved.  And it goes without saying it was the overalls I was wearing that did it for him ( found out years after we were married he thought they were ridiculous and never understood how girls thought those were a fashion statement lmao).  But time passed and we actually were really good friends.  We stayed in touch here and there and we were always there for each other through the milestones; birthdays, family troubles, breakups and college graduations etc.  Now for those who know me and my family we are very outgoing, loud spoken, emotional wrecks and love attention lol.  Well Brent was the complete opposite of all of that but there was something there...some spark.  I will never forget one time he came to my parents house to hang out and it was late by the time he left and like normal I asked him to please let me know he made it home safe.  I never heard from him.  By lunch time the next day I recieved a beautiful bouquet of flowers with a card that read "I made it home safe!"  Couldn't help but giggle and argue with my mom that she was wrong as she insisted that he was finally making his move!!!  I just remember thinking: ohhhhhh so he does have some emotion in there.  And it's obvious to see that we decided to give our relationship a try.  Now he still wasn't a man of many hugs, words or emotion but he never once asked me to change who I was!!!!  The best way I can describe it is we would go out partying with friends and I would dance the night away and he would come to the dance floor when my drink was empty to see if I needed a refill!  But never did he fuss or ask me to stop dancing!!!  There was a time I had a serious talk with him because it worried me that some of my friends felt like he was rude or that he disliked them because he didn't speak much.  It was then that I realized that he honestly was shy..... Not rude.  He overthinks and analyzes everything!!!  And I told myself then that it wasn't fair to ask him to change who he was of he wasn't asking me too!  Yes that plan still to this day is very hard for me because I do want to feel all the fairy tale love emotions but it's just not how Brent shows affection.  He has grown so much but still is very reserved in the emotion department!  I have to laugh looking back at my pregnancy with Braxton.  Every time I got to feel him move in my belly it was very distinct and usually slow movements, no major jabs or punches.  And now that I can compare that to my other pregnancies I truly believe Braxton was just like his Daddy.  No rush just very planned with everything he did.  But yes it's still hard when you yearn for affection and emotion especially when it is what you grew up with.  But through our whole journey with Braxton, Brent did allow himself to feel the emotions and express them.  There are some days I wonder how he shut it off afain after he allowed them to show, but then I think maybe he is scared if he allows them to show again  he believes he will get hurt again 😥.  So this morning when I saw this:

in a drawer while I was getting ready for work I felt my heart skip a beat!  And even though I still struggle with needing more affection from him than he needs from me I felt like his #1 in that moment.  Nothing big just a hand written note left for me to find and I was reminded that sometimes it's the littlest things that mean so much!!! And of course I let out a little giggle as I said to myself  "ohhhhhhhhh so he does have some emotion in there!"