God Said

I said, God I hurt

And God said, I know

I said, I cry a lot

And God said, That’s why I gave you tears

I said, Life is so hard

And God said, That’s why I give you loved ones

I said, But my loved one died

And God said, So did mine!

I said, It’s such a great loss

And God said, I saw mine nailed to the cross!!

I said, But your loved one lives

And God said, So does yours!!

I said, Where is he now?

And God said, My son is by my side and

Your son is in My arms!!

Be Still

The Lord will fight for you,

you need only to 

Be Still!

6th Annual Braxton Helps Fundraiser Time

I have to pinch myself in order to honestly realize it is our 6th Annual Braxton Helps Fundraiser!  WOW!  Today starts our weekend of ticket sales at all of the masses at Sts Peter and Paul Church.  I could go on and on about how amazing this is for us and how each year something else tugs at our heart proving Braxton’s story is still helping others... because believe me the list is never ending!!!!  But right now I want to take a moment to thank all the people behind the scenes that actually make this dream of mine come true!  It’s the friends and family that line up to help with sales, get the tickets printed, meet you whenever and where ever so you can have the picture you envisioned on your flyer this year, the petty cash bank queen, babysitters taking shifts to help keep my kids, the parishioners that support us year after year, the kids that now recognize my sons picture and call him by name and lastly the ones that want to be there in person but can’t and still find time to ask me how sales went today!!!!!!  It may seem easy from the outside looking in but it does take a small

Army to support this dream of mine to keep my sweet boys memory alive!!!!  This weekend is a big one for our event, it is our “go all out” time!  And I can’t thank my team enough!  It may seem like nothing but it a HUGE something to me!!!!!!!!  Today as I was he’s Leighton (now 4) and Savannah (3 days older than Braxton would be) handing out flyers and telling people what we were doing it made me tear up.  This is truly what it’s about y’all... teaching our kids to give back.  I pray they always find a good cause to care about with all their heart like they do this one!  I can’t wait to see how Braxton Helps gives back this year!!!

Jambalaya Plate Sale May 6, 2018 💙

💙Email us to order tickets at:

Teambraxtonmichael@yahoo.com

💙Or click the link below to donate:

https:// www.paypal.me/teambraxton?locale.x=en_US&country.x=US

Family Game Night

Nothing calms the soul more than laughter!  Last minute sleepover at Maw Maw & Pepa’s tonight is just what we all needed!  The moment I told the kids we were headed for a slumber party with them there faces lit up.   We even got to play board games once Jean Paul fell asleep!  The laughter and giggles were priceless.  This time together can not be bought, that is how precious it is. Life is tough but it’s so important to take a step back sometimes and remember the little things.  Things change but family is forever.  And my kids will never be this age again which means I can never get this day back.  Once again this is something I should know first hand but even after losing a child life can take over.  It can twist your focus off of what truly matters.  Tonight I got that focus back as I watched my children with my parents. 

Snack Time With Bubba

There is something so comforting about a child’s innocence.  Our family is going through a lot of changes and unknowns right now and even on the days I feel like everything is crumbling; these sweet babies find a way to bring in happiness!  There smile, laughter and tenderness isn’t fake or remotely programmed.  It is purer than anything I have ever seen.  It truly makes me stop and catch my head lately.  I tell myself multiple times a day to look at them for strength.  All 3 of my kids are beyond amazing.  I do not know what I would do without their love.  It is a very lonely feeling when you feel you aren’t good enough sometimes in life.  Daily Brent tells me that somethings in life can’t be viewed as personal attacks, but I take almost everything way to much to heart because that’s just who I am.   I honestly have always been self conscious to the core and I can remember yearning for a child’s pure love when I was younger.  A love that never judged and was solely just because of who I was.  I will never take for granted or let them live without knowing what they have given me!!!!  So after a few hard weeks nothing could be better than a late afternoon snack with Bubba today!!!  We sat and enjoyed the beautiful weather, ran around and held hands as we each asked Bubba for a special intention.  That 30 minutes today has calmed my stress and recharged me beyond belief!!!!  The power of love can conquer so much!

Sometimes

Sometimes we just need a hug.

A hug where someone wraps 

their arms around you so tight 

and reminds you that 

EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY.

I had a lot of love and support today and that is an amazing feeling.

Daddy Daycare Gone Wrong

So when you are at new student orientation for your daughters school and you get a text that says...

“She just did a real face plant in the driveway.  Not good.”

Your heart drops.  Then you tell yourself nah it can’t be that bad she falls all the time.  But then you get another text that says...

“She is ok right now but we will have to clean it and I don’t think that is going to go to well.

  Her teeth are fine I got her to smile.

She is ok.

Just gonna leave a mark for awhile.

Do we have peroxide?”

That is when the panic sets in.  As I was texting back “Are you serious?”  This picture comes through!!!

Luckily I was just getting back in my car because I started crying instantly.  My poor babies face it hurt me just seeing her all scraped up broke my heart.  So I ran to get meds and popsicles as fast as I could and headed back to my poor girl.  Dude I gave you one job today and that was to watch them for 2 hours lol!  I honestly felt bad for Brent too cause I could tell he was hurting since this happened on his watch!  Once I got home I got my hugs and we cleaned her up, she tried to eat a popsicle but said it hurt too bad.  I’m praying she sleeps ok tonight and that it doesn’t hurt even more tomorrow!!!

They Are Watching

It is because of these 3 miracles I am finally able to tell myself....

Respect yourself enough to say

“ I deserve peace “

and walk away from people or things 

that prevent you from attaining it!

It is time for me to say it and believe it!  I hope one day they are able to remember Mom pushing on even through the hardest times.  

Just knowing they are watching fuels me to no end!  

A Date

Nothing beats a daddy daughter date!  This little girl was given the option today to stay home with Mommy or go to the the Cajuns b-ball game with Daddy.  I can’t say if I was more shocked or sad by her choice of choosing the b-ball game with Daddy!  But why was I shocked????  She loves her Daddy and she loves the Cajuns so how did I ever think I may even be in the running lol!  Like a good Mom I dressed her and smiled as I let her go on her way.  And as she asked me if it was ok for her to go “on a date with Daddy” I told her yes of course.  Then she asked me if I could take her on a date next time....   I’m pretty sure she was asking so she could get a special night with me but I also think she was asking so I wouldn’t feel so left out!  It’s pretty obvious I told her yes!!!!  But then her sweet little face turned and looked at me and asked “what is a date?” As she giggled.  I simply explained a date is special time between 2 people.  And in true Leighton fashion she said “I’m special and you are special so that’s 2 special people right Mom?”  When a 4 year old puts things into perspective for you to feel special at 37 you start rethinking things.  But the things you start rethinking aren’t what you ever thought would be the big things years ago.  You start thinking about the fact that your child thinks you are beyond special which means nothing else matters in this world in that moment...... NOTHING!

My Babies

Some day I will wake up 

and the house will be clean,

but my babies will be all grown up

and on their own.

I need to enjoy the mess and my kids.

They are only babies once!

Put Me In Coach

Friday night in Cajun Country!!!!  The weather was perfect and so was the company tonight at the Ragin Cajun Ballpark!!!  The kids were so excited to be with Popa it was precious.  Popcorn is a must at a baseball game and the Bergeron kids do not let you forget that!  Leighton was beyond pumped to get to dance and play with her sweet friend Camille from school!  I honestly don’t think we could of planned a better time.  After a long day I really wasn’t up to the task since we all know going in public with 2 toddlers is never a relaxing event for parents lol!  I truly think they were very well behaved except for the small part of the night where Brent had to carry Jean Paul up the stairs  as he looked like he was wind surfing over his shoulder and screaming “HELP” at the top of his lungs.  I’m pretty sure others may have worried for a moment if he was being abducted the way he was screaming to try and get anyone’s attention lol.  But that’s our Jean Paul headed straight down the road of being either class clown, a stand up comedian or a red carpet actor!!!!!!  So glad I got to be with my little family tonight and be reminded that any time together is the best time ever!

Cousins

COUSINS MAKE THE BEST FRIENDS

Cheers

Impromptu date night thanks to my amazing Mom who kept our kids so we could have a dinner date. Of course it was much needed as all parents would say of young toddlers.  But it wasn’t till we were paying the bill and an older gentleman started taking to us that I was reminded of how important time together is.  He simply asked how long we had been married and we responded with “10 years this July!”  His eyes lit up and I thought he was about to share a story with us about his own marriage, but instead he praised ours.  He began to explain why 10 years of marriage was something to be proud of and something to celebrate.  Brent and I started rattling off all the reasons we need to postpone a small getaway or any type of celebration.  The kind man was adamant to explain to us that none of the financial things mattered.  After a wonderful discussion he left us with one last thought.... he said in a few years your kids won’t want to hang around with Mom and Dad because they are to cool for that, then they will move out and start lives of their own and then you will only be lucky if they want to live near you years after that.  This sweet mans daughter lives 2 doors down from him and he was beaming with pride but he also told us it wasn’t always this way.  As he looked at both Brent and I one at a time he stressed that the time may not seem right, but indeed it is perfect timing to put every effort into each other.  As I heard him say the words I couldn’thelp but  think he was our own angel sent here to give us a message.  A message we should know for ourselves but sometimes need to be reminded of.  Raising kids is hard, exhausting and more than anything it is the most rewarding job on this planet.  But as each day passes our parenting days our dwindled one by one.  Yes we will always be there Mommy and Daddy, but they won’t need us the way they do now.  And when that time comes it will be only Brent and I left to fill in the gaps that used to be filled with what we now consider chaos.  So yes a simple Wednesday night date night is a big deal and should be considered very important!!!!!  Praying all couples stop every now and then and realize how fast time moves and how precious each second is!!!

No Blog Tonight

Well no time for blogging tonight.  I had a certain little boy that only wants to be held.  And honestly that is perfectly fine with me.  Looks like it’s a snuggle night on the couch for me and turtle!!!!!!  It’s funny this is happening tonight because I was just telling my parents at dinner that I never told them that for my whole maternity leave with Jean Paul I slept on the couch so that I could secretly let him sleep on my chest all night long.  I never wanted to put him down which probably led to some of his sleep regression troubles he had until around 22 months old.  Those sleepless nights were long and exhausting, but looking back I don’t regret a thing.  If I could do it all over again I would still hold him every single night.  Blogging will have to wait till tomorrow; I have something very special to tend to!  I love that he wants his Mommy to hold him tonight because if he only knew how much his Mommy needed to be held just as much as he does!  

That First Kick

Six years ago I laid in this same bed, 

with the same tears running down my face, 

with the same wish 

and the same exact prayer as I do tonight!

Dear Lord,

Please let me remember this night,

Please let my tears turn to smiles,

Please let my son feel my love,

Please let me be the Mom you want me to be for my baby,

And above all please Lord let my faith prove to my sweet boy 

that your love always wins over fear!!!

I will never forget where I was, what I was doing and who I was sitting with the exact moment I felt Braxton’s first kick.  The kick I was told by Dr’s I May not ever feel but also the kick I should never wait on.  At almost 23 weeks pregnant I knew it was a little passed time that the flutters should of made there appearance; yet I also knew that with no Dr admitting to ever being a part of a pregnancy diagnosed with this form of OI, I could not compare any “normal” signs of pregnancy to mine.  But this moment is something I can not even question because it was that profound.  The tears were instant from the first movement and the connection between mother and son was unbreakable from that point on.  I had already felt a bond with Braxton but from this day forward I truly understood how precious this miracle of Motherhood was!  He was active from then on but literally on his own time clock lol.  Nothing could provoke him and then when he was ready nothing could stop him either.  He loved music, books and sometimes just pure quiet time outside as I rocked on our back porch.  His movements seemed thought out and very softly played out.  They were never abrupt or even forceful, as a matter of fact they seemed to show his demeanor was a lot like his Daddy’s, calm and poised!  That night like so many nights I laid awake crying and hoping to feel him move nonstop.  I yearned for those nights pregnant women spoke of that literally kept them awake all night long.  I remember begging God to keep me up for weeks if it meant I could soak up every moment of feeling him move while I still had him with me.  I could catch up later on sleep, but I did not need it now!!  And tonight as I feel the tears on my cheeks as I have every single night for 6 years I hear myself praying these words:

Dear Lord,

Thank you for letting me remember that night,

Thank you for letting my tears turn to smiles,

Thank you for letting my son feel my love,

Thank you for letting me be the Mom you want me to be for my baby,

And above all Thank you Lord letting my faith prove to my sweet boy 

that your love always wins over fear!!!

Sunday’s

Sunday’s are for family!  Leighton helped me say the rosary today on my phone app before we even got out of bed this morning!!!  Still can’t believe how special these little moments that are unplanned end up being.  Last night the sleep fairies were not anywhere near our house lol.  Jean Paul seemed to be so over tired that he could not stay asleep and was awake every hour screaming poor thing.  By 3:30 AM all of us were in one bed and finally my babies were sleeping.  But that means Momma wasn’t lol.  With about 1/4 of an inch of the bed left for me to sleep on I laid there unable to ever completely fall asleep as I was worried with each move I made I would wake them and start the whole process over again.  Somehow at sometime we must of all drifted to sleep for a little while.  And after we started waking for the day Leighton and I stay under the covers and snuggled a little longer.  I whispered to her that we had overslept and missed church so we needed to pray together and tell Jesus we love him.  That is when I showed her my Rosary app and started in the best way I could explaining to her that Mommy prays the rosary a lot when she is alone.  She was so proud hear me say the Our Father and Hail Mary!  It was a very very special moment that I will hold dear to my heart forever.  Since we had woken late we decided it was a day of whatever goes lol!  A trip to the  pond dressed to impress with outfits they picked out themselves (which if you know me that is NOT easy for me to step back from lol), lunch of their choice, naps with movie time, chalk art, grilling with Maw Maw & Pepa, art lessons and stencil class and we wrapped the night up with an old fashioned dance party!  Not a thing really got done today that was on my to do list but then again....who cares!!!!  Sunday’s are for family and I have to say it was a pretty great Sunday!

Oh What A Day

Today my kids and I ran the roads, made a couple of stops and had lots of fun.  Today I showed my kids that money doesn’t have to be what revolves around having fun... it’s really about the people you surround yourself with.  Today we surrounded ourselves with true friends and had a day to remember!  And as we pulled up at home after a long day of fun this is what the back seat of my car looks like!  And to me this looks like two kids who had a great day!!!!

I Hope One Day

Even though every day isn’t easy, I hope they look back and see the little things we gave them were really the biggest gifts of all!  Friends are by far the greatest gifts we can ever receive!  My best friend still today is the one that grew up down the road from me.  I can’t help but watch my kids form these bonds and smile knowing they are bonds that will last a lifetime!!!!

Repeat

Always Remember

Always remember Leighton Rose...

You are braver

than you believe,

stronger

than you think,

and

LOVED

more than you’ll ever know!

Sorry Not Sorry

I have never understood the whole term... kids don’t come with a manual???? Well today it hit close to home.  Leighton and Jean Paul both had their well visits.  Ok so I’m one Mom with two toddlers under 4 and you expect this to go smoothly?  Yes both of their birthdays are in March so thank you I can schedule both of their yearly visits together.  Thank you for that!!!  So that means I have to not only pray they both want to sit/stand on the scale willingly then after that doesn’t go as planned I have to answer questions over screaming kids calmly and rationally.  And as you u ask me “do you have any other concerns?” I go go blank?????  And when I semi gain reconsciousness I answer yes to everything and then freak out in the car because I may have answered incorrectly which now means I have hurt my child’s progression in LIFE!!!!  Cause god forbid they aren’t headed up that graph they pull out in front of you in the office lol.  Then you have to love them questioning your husbands actual height as if it were putting your child in the “OUT OF NORM” spectrum.  I mean you said my child may be over 6 feet tall by your standards????  Which if my add is the same child you said may be over 10 lbs at birth and she was no where near that!!!  So do you really think I’m scared to walk in and you tell me my child “may be off the growth chart” when you also told me she may be so big at birth I should fear birth????? Nope lol I handled that birth like a champ and your scale was beyond off so I’m gonna go ahead with pop tarts as our standard for 3 healthy meals a day and feel GREAT about myself!!!!  And I think I’m gonna let them celebrate with a Big Breakfast at “Old McDonald’s” with friends just because.  Call me a just get by Mom if you want; but I consider myself a realistic and you deserve a prize type of Mom.  And that is just what my kids got today!!!  

And Just Like That

And just like that everything in the world seems right!  All it takes is a single hug and an intense love felt with no words being spoken!!!!  Thank you little boy for reminding me of life’s real blessings!  I still can’t believe my kids that are so young can teach me far more than most adults can teach me in this world!!!

Pure Happiness

This little boy never sits still.  In fact this weekend I literally watched his personality explode in front of me. He is cheerful, funny and full of dance moves lately.  He even had Leighton giggling constantly the past few days.  So when he stops and plays for longer than 3 minutes I have to capture it.  I never knew so much joy could be wrapped up inside one little boy!!!!!  Thank you Jean Paul Vincent for making me see the little things this weekend... the little things that matter most!

Their Mom

I see myself as a mom first.

I’m so lucky to have that role in life.

The world can like me, 

hate me 

or fall apart around me.

At least I can wake up with my kids and say I’m happy.

Cute Cajuns

I have to say these are the cutest Cajuns in Louisiana!!!!  Not only do my babies love the Ragin Cajuns they love them some b-ball!  Any UL function gets them so excited!  Love these Cajun babies with all my heart!!!!

The Small Things Mean The Most

I don’t care who you are or what you go through in life sometimes the smallest things still mean the most.  And personally to me those small things are actually the biggest blessings I call my family.  It is no secret my brother has always been one of my biggest supporters; to a point where he could be known as my own personal fan club leader.  I do not know how I could ever do this life without him and I pray he feels the same exact way about me.  In one of the most old fashioned ways known to man; a delivered bouquet of roses, he simply let me know he loves me.  That simple message reminded me of how blessed I am in this world that can be hard and ugly at times.  I have been an open book for the last 6 years by admitting I am clueless to how I have survived some of the curve balls  I have been thrown, and I am admitting it again now... 

but with Faith, Hope and Love and the greatest of these is LOVE...

I will not fear what is yet to be!

Knowing you are loved is far more comforting than anything else in my eyes.  Which brings me back to the day I had to hand over my precious baby boy back to Jesus; I know in my heart the love he felt that day as he took his last breath was far greater than any pain or fear he ever felt.   

The strength I have gained from witnessing that will fuel me for a lifetime!!!

Ready To See What Is Next For Us

Brent sent me this picture tonight knowing I have had an incredibly hard day.  Sunsets have always been his sign from Braxton that he is with us.

His text simply said

 “we will get through anything we ever need to together. “

It got me thinking about how true his words are.  

I’ve battled my whole life to become the strong woman I am today.  

I’ve also battled with loving the same strong woman I consider myself to be.

So if you think you can take me down after all I’ve been through,

 give it your best shot.

You will not succeed.

And with the friends and family I have loving me in my corner 

I will rise above

 no matter what!!!!

The Unknowns Can Be Scary

There are so many days that I look back and honestly do not know how I made it to the next.  The unknowns were so scary and so hard that I seriously can not believe I am where I am today!  And still today I struggle and I am not afraid to admit that anymore.  Honestly allowing myself to admit that there are still days I barely survive because of the pain I still fell has helped me more than anything.  And like most things in life there will always be “unknowns” but today I let myself enjoy the things I know most right now!

  And that is knowing...
I am trying to be the best Mommy I can be for my babies.
I get to feel their love day in and day out unconditionally.
I will always be able to share Braxton’s story with them openly and freely.
I made the right choices for my family to be who we are today.
I am loved
I am weak at times yet I am strong at times
I am hurting from loss yet I am healing from loss
I am scared to move forward yet I am moving forward at my own pace
I am who I am because of what I have been through
I am somebody amazing to the three miracles who matter most:
1) Braxton
2) Leighton
3) Jean Paul
And that is what I smiled about today.. a few things I know!

You Are So Right Baby Girl

Saturday was Leighton’s fourth birthday!  I still can’t believe my baby girl is 4 years old.  The picture here popped up on my Facebook and I was so excited to show her how tiny she was.  As I showed her she started smiling and started telling me that she was so little when she met me.  

I told her “You are so right baby girl!” 

 Then she looked at me and asked, 

Mommy was that the first time you ” holded ” me???
Quietly she sat there smiling from ear to ear and calmly she said...
“And Mommy, that was the last place you got to hold Bubba too?”
Shocked I didn’t know what to say as I heard her repeat the question.
All I could say was
“You are so right baby girl!”
As much as I wanted to tell her every little detail of Bubba’s Special day I simply smiled at her and told her again..
“You are so right baby girl that is the same place I got to hold Bubba for the first time and the last!  It was just as wonderful as the day I first got to hold you!”

I am still blown away by how intuitive she truly is!  I know her heart is more pure than I could ever imagine and that makes my heart so happy!

Leighton Rose,
You don’t know this,
but you saved me;
from myself
and from the idea
that I wasn’t worthy
of a love like yours!

He Is Risen

Jesus gave us Easter

as a reminder of how

beautiful life

can be after death

What a wonderful day we had together as a family!

At the end of the day we completed our Easter with our family tradition;

reading the book that Braxton leaves us every year among all of our Easter goodies...

God Gave Us Easter!!!