That First Kick

Six years ago I laid in this same bed, 

with the same tears running down my face, 

with the same wish 

and the same exact prayer as I do tonight!

Dear Lord,

Please let me remember this night,

Please let my tears turn to smiles,

Please let my son feel my love,

Please let me be the Mom you want me to be for my baby,

And above all please Lord let my faith prove to my sweet boy 

that your love always wins over fear!!!

I will never forget where I was, what I was doing and who I was sitting with the exact moment I felt Braxton’s first kick.  The kick I was told by Dr’s I May not ever feel but also the kick I should never wait on.  At almost 23 weeks pregnant I knew it was a little passed time that the flutters should of made there appearance; yet I also knew that with no Dr admitting to ever being a part of a pregnancy diagnosed with this form of OI, I could not compare any “normal” signs of pregnancy to mine.  But this moment is something I can not even question because it was that profound.  The tears were instant from the first movement and the connection between mother and son was unbreakable from that point on.  I had already felt a bond with Braxton but from this day forward I truly understood how precious this miracle of Motherhood was!  He was active from then on but literally on his own time clock lol.  Nothing could provoke him and then when he was ready nothing could stop him either.  He loved music, books and sometimes just pure quiet time outside as I rocked on our back porch.  His movements seemed thought out and very softly played out.  They were never abrupt or even forceful, as a matter of fact they seemed to show his demeanor was a lot like his Daddy’s, calm and poised!  That night like so many nights I laid awake crying and hoping to feel him move nonstop.  I yearned for those nights pregnant women spoke of that literally kept them awake all night long.  I remember begging God to keep me up for weeks if it meant I could soak up every moment of feeling him move while I still had him with me.  I could catch up later on sleep, but I did not need it now!!  And tonight as I feel the tears on my cheeks as I have every single night for 6 years I hear myself praying these words:

Dear Lord,

Thank you for letting me remember that night,

Thank you for letting my tears turn to smiles,

Thank you for letting my son feel my love,

Thank you for letting me be the Mom you want me to be for my baby,

And above all Thank you Lord letting my faith prove to my sweet boy 

that your love always wins over fear!!!