That night after our 20 week ultrasound we decided to still have our gender reveal; which I somewhat remember. I can remember trying to smile and also trying not to show how scared I was. All I knew was that I was finally getting to be a Mother. Something I have wanted from as far back as I can remember. It was who I was supposed to be and all I ever wanted in life. And for now I felt like all the trying, all of the waiting and the joy of being pregnant may be taken away from me. Brent and I had experienced a very hard time in our marriage leading up to our pregnancy. To the point of us practically separating because we did not know if we were meant to be. After many tears and painful words exchanged to each other we decided to give ourselves one more chance. Not long after that we became pregnant with Braxton. So in that moment all I wanted was to soak up every ounce of normalcy I had left before our specialist appointment. Some where deep inside I knew this was not normal at all, but it was all I had. So with tears rolling down my face I watched blue balloons rise up from the box that my Mom had gotten done for our gender reveal. And with all honesty I can tell you those tears were real, they were real joy in learning I was carrying a son. No matter how much fear I had that entire day in that moment I did not need to try and feel normal, because I felt exactly like I had ever imagined I would feel when I learned the gender of my first born child. REAL, I felt like a real Mother just as I had always dreamed I would. That feeling was beyond special and can never be taken from me, regardless of anything any Dr would ever tell me about my son. It sank in then... I was having a boy! A boy that needed me to fight for him with so much faith, hope and love that I never even knew existed before this moment.
Later after everyone left my phone rang. It my OB Dr. Bourque. He very calmly began to tell me that once we left his office he looked at our scans again. He explained that he truly thought the ultrasound showed evidence of Braxton being a little person/Dwarf. I will never forget what came out of Brent's mouth next. "Oh that's fine Dr Bourque that is fine." While I watched him slowly tear up and grab my hand and squeeze it as to say, It's OK it's going to be OK. This moved me more than I think he will ever know or more than I have ever admitted to him. I know in my heart Brent is a kind and gentle person, but he is also quiet, timid and rough around the edges. And with that being said he is also a man, a man who has always wanted a son to play sports like he did and to go fishing with in the weekends. So to hear him verbally state he was OK with our baby having any sort of handicap as long as he could live and function (even if it was in his own way with mind and body) was so comforting. In that moment he became a Father, and it was the start of him understanding that the little things we always wanted were not as important as the big picture. We were united for once in our marriage and it felt good to feel like a team. This would be the first of many times my husband surprised me with the words he spoke on Braxton's and my behalf along our journey! A journey that was ours and we were excepting as God's plan.
Looking back at that night I truly do not know if either of us slept as we prepared for our specialist visit the next day. I wanted more than ever for today to just be a nightmare that we would wake up from when the specialist would clear everything all up. Even though I prayed for answers that night, the things we were about to be told were by far the farthest from what we wanted to hear. But from that night forward the WAITING began and none of us knew the journey we were about to begin, the journey that would change our lives forever!
This would be Our Story!
If I told you my story
You would hear hope that wouldn't let go
If I told you my story
You would hear love that never gave up
If I told you my story
You would hear life but it wasn't mine
If I should speak then let it be
Of the grace that is greater than all my sin
Of when justice was served and where mercy wins
Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in
To tell you my story is to tell of Him
If I told you my story
You would hear victory over the enemy
If told you my story
You would hear freedom that was won for me
If I told you my story
You would hear life overcome the grave
If I should speak then let it be
This is my story this is my song praising my Savior all the day long
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