Lafayette Little Ones

There were multiple things on the calendar this weekend, but my kids pick came first.  It was no surprise to me when Leighton and Jean Paul were more than upset to find out they may not get to go to the Cajuns game this weekend.  True all the other events didn’t really involve them but in the end I would rather be with them over anywhere else.  So to Cajun Field we went; and in the freezing cold I must add lol.  They were troopers all afternoon and through the game.  Leighton decided to take a quick nap before halftime in the stands while Jean Paul ate his way through the game lol.  I love that they love home games in Lafayette supporting our local college.  And my heart couldn’t be prouder  as I watch Leighton clap along with the fight song and raise her tiny hand up in the air with the UL sign after every point we score!  

All Saints Day

With my new work schedule I haven’t had time to blog lately, but hopefully once we get in a routine I can get back on track.  Last week was All Saints Day and of course we celebrated with our sweet angel.  My Mom has gone to the blessing of the graces every year since Braxton passed away.  Rain or shine she has been there.  Most years I was unable to attend do to work but this year luckily I was off and got to join her and my Dad.  As we stood under the green tent in the back of the cemetery for the service I couldn’t help but remember the day we buried my baby boy.  That green tent has seen so many tears I imagine through the years.  Honestly it breaks my heart to even imagine how many tears because no one wants to be standing under that green tent burying a loved one.  As sad as it is to remember that day and the pain I felt it is also comforting to remember the love and support that surrounded me that day too.  Our friends and family will never understand how much their love and support meant to me on that day... one of the hardest days of my life.  No Mother should have to bury their child; yet it is something that happens every single day.  It is a pain and experience no one can ever truly comprehend until you have been there.  I pray daily for others to never have to feel the pain of losing a child, but if they do I can only hope they have the love and support of others like I do.

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
time to plant and time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Trick or Treat Fun

Trick or Treating gets better every single year as the kids get older.   To my surprise they actually picked coordinating costumes this year without their OCD Mom persuading them at all!  Who would of thought lol!!!  This year Leighton was a little timid to walk up to each house and wanted me to hold her hand unless I promised her I wouldn’t leave her which is not like her at all.  But meanwhile her brother would just take off to introduce himself to every minion, paw patrol, dinosaur and pj mask he would see lol!  They both did share one thing in common though... they couldn’t wait till we were home to test taste their candy lol.  And as for Jean Paul he would eat one color sucker then run up and say “I not like blue sucker I like red” even though he had eaten the whole thing he thought that would get him another one lol!  I would ask him if he didn’t like it how come the whole thing was gone and he would just look at me and say “I don’t know but I not like it!” LOL!!!!  So we had another great Halloween with our neighbors and Maw Maw & Pepa!!!!!

The Braxton Shirt Bunch

The littlest things and the littlest supporters sometimes mean the most!!!!  Every single year our special sitter Tricia buys all of the kids she keeps Braxton shirts.  Each year I try and tell her to not feel like she has too, but every year she insists!  Well ok truth is if you know our Tricia you know she basically tells me I can’t tell her what she can and can’t do lol!  All of the kids love getting their Braxton shirts and then a few times through the year they will have Braxton shirt days and you should see how tickled they are to say they are all twins lol!  And in true Tricia fashion she gets this amazing picture every year for me; meanwhile, I can barely get just Leighton and Jean Paul to stand still for a picture for me!  I can remember Leighton being so excited the first year all her friends had her Bubba’s shirts and then when Jean Paul joined the crew her smile grew even more in the pictures!  But this year I can’t lie I had tears running down my face when I saw the group picture because Jean Paul looks beyond proud to be wearing his Bubba shirt with all of his friends!  This group picture each year is worth so much more than anyone can ever understand.  As a grieving mother each year that passes brings more and more worry that your baby will be slowly forgotten.  The pain is indescribable and sometimes it even feels unworthy of talking about because you know so many just won’t understand.  So to have moments like this and feel so much love and support all those pains are erased for a little while.  Tricia promised me after losing Braxton that my family and future kids were always welcome at her house and that we would always have a spot in her daycare.  I just never truly knew how much she meant it.  I say that because not only has she kept Leighton and now Jean Paul, she still keeps Braxton there in a very special way.  A way I never knew I needed.  His name is still spoken between those walls where he should of been playing, learning and growing; and to me that is more than I could of ever asked for.  Just like any other parent I want my son to be loved and man is he is loved by his friends and teachers at Mrs Tricia’s!!!!!!  I know he watches over every single one of them too!  There have been many times his spirit has made its presence known there as well and each time Tricia tells me about it to remind me how special he is to her.  I can’t help but believe our shirts are beyond speaking the truth this year...

Because of you I believe in Angels!!!!!

Bed Hair Don’t Care

When Mommy has to be at work for 6:00 AM this is what you get lol!

  Leighton being sassy as usual and...

Well I think Jean Paul’s picture speaks for itself.  

The crazy thing is that as more time passes I honestly think this picture perfectly represents his personality.  He can be moody but for the most part it’s truly his hard headed demeanor that gets him in trouble lol.  And say what you want about my push the limits little boy, cause at the end of the day he is one sweet teddy bear that only wants hugs and kisses.  He adores his big sister more than anything else.  As you can see in this picture he wants to pose when she does just to be next to her.  I can see him in high school still doing this exact thing before he walks out on school mornings lol.  Imitating her to annoy her and bed hair to the max.  He will be one of those kids that just doesn’t care what others think until you have an opinion about his sister I promise!!!!  So when I saw this picture this morning I had to laugh out loud, because you can lay out the perfectly ironed clothes, leave notes to remind them to brush their teeth (with toothpaste)  and even place the brush by the front door...

But some just aren’t bothered by what others think and that will be my Jean Paul!!!

You Say

I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I'm not enough
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up
Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?
Remind me once again just who I am because I need to know

You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
And You say I am held when I am falling short
And when I don't belong, oh You say I am Yours
And I believe, oh I believe
What You say of me
I believe

The only thing that matters now is everything You think of me
In You I find my worth, in You I find my identity, o-ooh

You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
And You say I am held when I am falling short
And when I don't belong, oh You say I am Yours
And I believe, oh I believe
What You say of me
Oh, I believe

Taking all I have and now I'm laying it at Your feet
You have every failure God, and You'll have every victory, o-ooh

You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don't belong, oh You say I am Yours
And I believe, oh I believe
What You say of me
I believe

Oh I believe
Yes I believe
What You say of me
Oh I believe

Just One More Night

It has been a long 7 days!!!!!  Finally finished my my 7 day stretch of night shifts... till the next one lol.  I am absolutely loving the night shift; although, I’m steadily realizing I am way to nosey to be working at a trauma hospital lol.  I have no regrets of jumping right in and giving this shift a shot.  The hard part is missing my babies while I’m at work.  So yesterday I decided to forfeit some of my sleep and wake up early enough to pick them both up and bring them somewhere fun before I went in at 5:00 PM.  The were so excited as we headed to get ice cream and cookies, but couldn’t agree on what flavor they both were going to get!  Once we got there we picked our booth and started enjoying some time together.  Jean Paul wanted to show me all the sea animal figurines he had smuggled out of the car without me noticing and Leighton  proudly began showing me everything in her book sack that she had done at school.  Once Maw Maw got there they chose their ice cream and then both barely said a word while they inhaled the treat lol.  By the time they were done they both had marching blue smiles and my heart was so full.  I actually told myself in my head “Good job Mommy!”  But what happened next completely crushed me.  As I buckled them into Maw Maw’s van Leighton began sobbing.  And I mean sobbing huge crocodile tears.  She was crying so hard she could not even open her eyes.  Fighting back my own tears I kept telling her just one more night peanut, just one more night then I’ll be home for 7 whole days.  She kept crying harder and harder.  As my Mom told me to get in my car before she would see my cry I kissed her big and squeezed her tight.  As I got in my car I felt like I had been punched in the stomach, because my heart hurt so bad.  I told myself “Just one more night Mommy!”  

And yes I cried the whole way to work!