First Day Of School For My Angel

When I started this blog I made a promise to myself that I would do my best to be an open book.  That promise was made not to make others feel sorry for me, but simply because I wanted to somehow help others.  Even if it is only one person I want/know Braxton’s journey is supposed to help somehow.  So tonight as I lay here sobbing and unable to sleep  I am searching for a way to explain my feelings.  And the girl who usually digs deep within herself to find a way to share how I take one day at a time is speechless. Today should of been Braxton’s first day of 1st grade.  Today should of been a day of frantic planning  and chaos as I tried to capture his picture this morning before I dropped him off.  Yet once again what should of been wasn’t what really was.  And today it hurt.  My heart hurt beyond measure and I know it shouldn’t to some.  So please keep in your prayers the Mother’s who dream of having that picture each year as their child advances to the next grade.... but don’t get too.  Don’t think of us with pity; yet please just acknowledge you know what we are missing.  It seems like such a silly thing to ask for, but until you don’t have those little things that add up to huge memories you will never know how much it hurts without them.  So as usual my babies and I brought Braxton a balloon and celebrated his first day of school in heaven.  Leighton is adamant he rode a bus to school in heaven... a bus she pointed out that stops at McDonalds on the way lol.  His teacher has the same name as hers (Mrs Abshire) and his playground is magic because it never rains on it.  And when I asked what they would be having for lunch, Jean Paul proudly screamed POPTARTS!!!  I approve of all of it too!  I hope my sweet boy had an amazing first day of 1st grads in heaven.  And I also pray with all my heart he knows how badly I wish I could be in that pick up line in the clouds just once to see him run to my car and get in.  My heart hurts and feels peace at the same time tonight.  And sometimes that tug a war pull of emotion is harder than anything I could ever explain.

To Infinity And Beyond In A Big Boy Bed

I don’t know how much more change this Mommy can take.  As if Leighton going to big girl school at the end of this week wasn’t enough; Turtle got surprised with a big boy bed today!  Please wish us luck on this one lol.  Don’t know if he is more excited about the bed or the Toy Story sheets Maw Maw special ordered.  He didn’t act super surprised when Maw Maw and Pepa showed up with it, but as the night went on I think it started to set in that it was really his lol.  Leighton played the big sister role to a tee.  She never whined once that he got a surprise and she didn’t.   Instead she was over the moon excited for him and that made me very proud.  So night one is underway. 

STAY TUNED!!! 

Adventure Awaits

Don’t blink they said...

Well I did and when I opened my eyes my baby girl was starting Pre - K!  I would be lying if I said I wasn’t sad, but I would also be lying if I didn’t admit I was excited too.  I just wish it wasn’t time lol. In less than 4 days my 4 year old will start a big adventure.  One that will open the doors to so many paths on her blueprint called life.  The things she will learn, the friends she will meet, the memories she will make along with the smiles, hopes, dreams and yes even the tears she will cry will all start here.  My prayer for her is that she will always stay true to herself and believe in herself in everything she does.  I can’t wait to watch her grow into the girl she is meant to be!  Uniform shopping was set to be a huge event, but 4 year olds seems to have different plans for when they want to play the part for Mommy lol.  We survived let’s just put it that way, but Mommy will have to return to finish up the shopping solo LOL!!!!  But as you see I still got my pics!!!!!  So use them as a reminder that everything you see on Facebook isn’t always real life lol.  This pics DO NOT represent how uniform shopping REALLY went!!!!!!  Your welcome I just blasted all those fake Moms that post pics that make you think they have it all under control!!!!! LOL!!!  Although the meet and greet did go very smooth today!  We met our teachers, classmates, got a high five from Father Derise, picked out a spirit shirt and signed up daddy to volunteer (oops we haven’t informed him of that on yet)!!!

  The highlights for Leighton were:

- her very own name tag badge to wear everyday like Mommy does at work

- her own cubby hole and hanger for her booksack

- a kitchen with pretend food in the classroom

- her friends Aubrie and Levi being in her class

- learning her first job will be the Light Girl for the classroom

( she has already been practicing at home by turning the light on and off all night )

- crayons and her own glue stick in her basket on her desk

- that her play dough was blue ( Bubba’s color )

- running on her new playground

- begging me to take her picture of her on the Dino because “Jean Paul will love it”

- skipping with Mommy all the way back to our car

- pointing out that she used her manners when we met her teacher lol

- pictures of pennies on the wall as she whispered “Pennies are from Angels”  in my ear

- getting candy from two older students that made her feel more comfortable

As we drove off she said she needed to ask me two things.  As I braved myself for what was coming she said:

1) I really wish both my brothers could just come to big girl school with me Mommy, why can’t they?

I tried to keep from crying as I reminded her that Bubba is always with you, you know that baby.  And he is especially with you at school because that is where we honor him with our Annual Jambalaya Fundraiser “Braxton Rice Day”!!!  Jean Paul will be with you in two years... and do you really want him trying to eat all your snacks at snack time silly?  She giggled as I saw her precious smile reappear.

2) What are you going to do sitting in the car when I do school stuff at big girl school?

Ummmmmm well I didn’t know what to say lol.  It was then I realized she is a little more scared than I though she was.  Sweet thing thinks I will be waiting in the car all day long.  I didn’t have the heart to tell her just yet that I will be truly dropping her off in a few days.  It may be wrong but if her thinking I’m right outside in the car Friday on her first day makes her feel safe, then I may just let her.  I may not win any Mom of the year awards for that choice but oh well!!!!

So here we come Pre - K!  Hope your ready for my little girl because she is more than special and ready to leave her mark!

Let It All Out

Truth is my shirt says it all in this pic lol!!!!  The second truth is I didn’t even realize I had this shirt on until I looked back at the pics tonight.  Especially when you run out with no makeup to see the water wall for the second time and pray everyone is smiling for the pics! So yes my Mom and I took the kids for a very quick trip to Houston this weekend to see my brother (Poorain) and my sister in law (Ney Ney)!  We had lots of fun with giggles, swimming, naps, food and of course ..... meltdowns!  It’s to be expected but sometimes enough is enough lol.  And by the end of the weekend this Mommy had had enough.  Well let’s just say it was due time for my own meltdown; which indeed I had!!!!  But what I want to point out is that my Mom supported me through it all.  Instead of lecturing me and trying to tell me how to do it better she simply said “let it out” as I sat there crying!  It was just what I needed too.  Yes I know there are things I can do better but that’s not what I needed to hear in that moment.  Now once I had my moment and got it out she did mention she had stories she could share of how I pushed her to the limits years ago lol, but of course I didn’t let her one up me!!!!  I can’t explain how much her silent understanding meant to me today.  We come from a big family and a very loud one at that.  We never hold back and we always say what’s in our mind, but sometimes just being there is more than enough.  Thanks Mom for letting me get it out today.  I love you more than I can ever express and your support means the world to me.  Because the truth is all I have ever wanted was to be a Mom as great as you!

We Got Our Houston Hugs

We made it to Houston for our quick Poorain & Ney Ney visit!!!!  With minimal whining, two movies, 3 stops, multiple snacks and tons of “Are we in Texas yet’” we pulled up in 3.5 hours!!!  I would say that’s pretty darn impressive for 2 toddlers a Mommy and a Maw Maw lol!  But I honestly was very impressed with my babies.  And seeing their smiles when they got their Houston Hugs was well worth the drive.  Leighton giggled most of the way here with excitement and I didn’t think Jean Paul was going to let go when he gave Poorain that first tight squeeze.  Everyone is snuggled up and dreaming of spending the whole day together tomorrow!!!!!

Secret Summer Surprise

This summer has completely rocked our world.  We have had major change in almost every aspect of the word!!!!  To say I’m tired doesn’t even begin to explain it.  Lately it literally feels like Brent and I are saying hi with just enough time to hand off the kids or pick them up/drop them off.  So if I’m mentally, physically and emotionally done I know my sweet kids are too. Some nights we get home later than I would rather admit just because I have to get them trim my Moms after work etc.  So with all this change and adjustment we sadly had to miss our annual beach trip this year.  Last week they were beyond excited for an impromptu trip to Nanny and Uncle J’s house; you would of sworn they had gone to Disney.  So tomorrow even though I can barely keep my eyes open I have one more summer surprise for my babies!!!!  After nap time Maw Maw will be picking them up from daycare (which would be more than enough for them lol), but that’s not it!  Once I get home from work we will surprise them as we drive off back to Texas one more time.  This time it’s to see Poorain and New Ney for one last summer visit!  Swimsuits and pajamas is all I had to pack because this trip is a no plans just swim all day kind of trip.  Leighton and Jean Paul literally just want to swim since we haven’t gotten to much this summer.  The other thing they want more than ever is to be with Poorain and Ney Ney!  So Maw Maw and I will try and fulfill that summer dream with a huge surprise road trip tomorrow!!!!!  I can’t wait to see their little faces when they figure it all out!!!

Sometimes

Sometimes

no matter how strong

a girl is,

she has a weak point.

And sometimes,

all she needs is a hug!!

As the month of August begins this quote is more true than some know!