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| Time For Mommy To Decorate |
Every year Braxton gets his very own Christmas Tree and this year is no different! May sound silly to some but it is something that is very special to me. I can remember the very first year we had to celebrate Christmas without our sweet baby boy! It was so drastically different from just one year before at Christmas time. The year before I remember decorating my tree while Brent went to get his boat from his Dad's shop for a fishing trip the next day. It was also the first year that the Cajuns were headed to the Superdome for the New Orleans Bowl. As I tried to string the lights on the tree while shaking with excitement for the surprise I had for Brent when he got home. I have never been good at keeping secrets when it comes to big surprises. And this one was by far the biggest surprise of our lives. When Brent pulled in the driveway he acted in true Brent fashion and took what felt like hours to finally make his way inside. When he came around the corner into the living room he commented on the tree and how it was coming along nicely. Then he glanced at the couch and said "Who is that present for?" Nice and calmly I told him it was for him. He of course started questioning why I had a gift for him 4 weeks before Christmas LOL. I told him it was nothing big just something I got for him for the New Orleans Bowl since we were finally in a big game! I will never forget him sitting on the couch opening the gift that held a red cajuns onesie that read " Rookie 1/2 " on the back. Confused and dumbfounded he looked at me as tears fell down my face without speaking a word. As he started to put the pieces together in his head I watched his whole body start to quiver as he quietly said "NO? NO? IT CAN'T BE?" As I sobbed I told him"YES YES YES IT CAN!!!!" I can still feel the pounding of my heart as I got to give my husband the best Christmas present in the world.... the news that we were finally pregnant. You see the road at that point had not been easy for us in many ways. At that time we had been married for 3 1/2 years and had tried for a good 2 years to get pregnant. Many Dr. appointments and tests/procedures to find out what and why it was not happening for our family. And then due to the strain of trying to get pregnant we then faced a long year of being drawn apart. The heartache of wanting a baby so bad had brought out the bad in our relationship. To the point of even separating because we did not know each other anymore. This Christmas was literally only a month after we had decided to whole heartedly give "US" one more shot. We didn't even have the baby talk in our relationship we were truly trying to just work on us. But as they say "God was in control the whole time!" Within minutes we had re-wrapped the onesie and headed out to share the news with both of our families. I will never forget that night! The tears, the excitement and the knowing that we were going to be ok was so powerful. Little did we know that within months our whole world would be completely shattered. As hard as it is to admit this was our last Christmas we would ever be this happy. I am so grateful for God allowing us to not know what was coming, because that Christmas was so perfect for us. Now looking back it was our first Christmas with Braxton but sadly it was unknowingly our last Christmas with him as well. It was also the first time I would ever be allowed to see my husbands true surprise reaction when I shared we were pregnant but sadly it was unknowingly the last time I would ever get to truly announce a surprise pregnancy to him as well. That Christmas was the first time I got to envision my baby being involved in our next year traditions but sadly it was unknowingly the last time that my vision would be a reality. It was the first and the last for so many feelings and emotions. And as I sit here and write this post I sadly have to admit it was the last time I ever felt the Christmas magic that I remember feeling as a child. No Christmas will ever be the same when you have lost a child. A piece of you is missing and lost forever. That is when Braxton's Tree became a tradition for us. Each year Brent picks a tree and brings it to the cemetery. It is he and Braxton's thing and I will never try and take that from him. At some point I receive a text with a picture letting me know my sweet boy has his tree. At that time I pick a day to go and decorate it for him; that is my time with him. And in the weeks leading up to Christmas friends and family bring him a special ornament and hang it on his tree. Today I excitedly showed my close friend and coworker the picture of Braxton's tree being put up and we couldn't help but reminiscence. The very first year he got his tree we were so naive with the whole process. Now we can giggle about it but back then it was truly hard for me. Every day I would go and check on his tree and almost everyday it was laying on the ground. Then some days his lights would not work etc. But I am proud to announce that now in 2017 we have perfected our skills and Braxton's tree will never be unlit or down again LOL. New stand with anchors and sloar lights and all, nothing will stand in the way of my baby boys tree! And like I said it may sound silly to some but to me it is a big deal. I promised him he would always be involved in everything we do as a family and Christmas is no different! So if you happen to be in Lafayette, LA at night in the month of December take a drive down University Street and when you see a little speck of colored lights shining from a cemetery that is my Braxton's tree! Christmas may never be the same but each year the Christmas spirit slowly comes back as I get to watch Leighton and Jean Paul be involved in Braxton's Tree tradition. Nothing compares to seeing the magic in their eyes because I know they get to experience that magic because of Braxton's life. He was the ultimate Christmas gift in 2011 but he has since gifted us with 2 other miracles that I know he hand picked for us.
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