Ever have those days where you feel like you just might lose your S**t???? Well I am just about there. Crazy thing is I don't think I should have to lose it just to be seen lol. I think most women can relate, well at least I hope they can cause then it makes me feel like I am a little less crazy lol.
Yes I work,
Yes I have side hobby that I am trying to expand into work,
Yes I am trying to raise 2 kids,
Yes my husband works 2 jobs,
Yes I wish I could admit I had it all figured out.
But the truth is I don't.
Most days I feel like I am drowning. And while I am trying to figure out how to raise my kids so they will be normal human beings in today's crazy world with literally only a few hours with them each day I am secretly wishing someone noticed. I selfishly want to be noticed and I mean by the one person I feel like should see day in and day out how hard I am trying. I know that is wrong to say out loud. But why does something as simple as unloading the dishwasher, switching the clothes to the dryer, bathing the kids or even vacuuming every now and then require a "Good Job" or "Thank You" when my husband does it? And sometimes I even pull out the over enthusiastic "Wow that helps me so much I can't thank you enough!" So along with a 1 year old and 3 year old that I am rewarding/praising for good behavior I also have to for a 37 year old too. AHHHHHHHHHH wait for itttttttt.......... I am so tired LOL. And yes it may be slightly my fault because it was just he and I for years so I had a little more time and energy to devote to praising him. But realistically I don't believe in rewarding my kids for actions that should be done much less for a grown adult after he does something most would consider universally understood as expected. I don't mean to sound harsh but I am honestly trying to find any advice on how to wake him up without having to slap him across the face (And no I don't mean that literally LOL). I have heard oh you have to train them blah blah blah but wowsers get it together Geez lol. I love him more than I can explain but some days I want to scream please look at me, me the girl you married because you liked me. Or maybe we aren't supposed to like each other that much during these stressful years of raising young kids. We do love each other by all means but lately we are just at each others throats most of the time. And honestly its mostly because we are both exhausted. I just wish sometimes he could recognize that I am just as tired as he is, we are a team and we need to remember that. Maybe its just time for a little time together to regroup, but when will we ever find time for that LOL. So to the woman who pretty much has convinced herself you can't doing anything right lately I hear ya sis! And if you need to vent come sit next to me LOL. But bring the wine if you do!!!!
It is life and it is hard but tomorrow I will just get up and start over and try harder, because that's what women do. We will never be good enough in our own eyes since we are always hardest on ourselves. And at the end of the day I do know I am loved and lucky. I just selfishly want to hear it sometimes!!
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