I can not seem to let myself go to sleep, because if I do then when I wake 6 whole years will have passed since I last held you. I have no words to say how much my heart is hurting. For there most likely is no words that could ever truly explain it. It would be easier to just hide for a week. Yet I promised Braxton I would never stop carrying out our traditions no matter how many years go by. So tonight as we always do on Braxton’s birthday Eve we set out one of our family traditions. Six years ago we had no clue what the next day would bring; but with faith driven hope we kept on. Brent and I decided the night before Braxton’s birth that we were not going to allow anything keep us from getting the experiences we wanted. Yes they may not have been exactly how we had dreamed they would be; but it still didn’t mean we couldn’t make our own way. So that’s exactly what we did. We loaded up in the car and set out on a tour of Lafayette. We brought Braxton to every single place we wanted to share with him no matter if he was still in my tummy. It was one of the best days and I will never forget it. Brent and I have done this now for 6 years and it doesn’t seem to ease the pain of missing him any. And as much as I want to break down in tears I always seem to smile through the whole thing. And now that Jean Paul and Leighton get to be with us for our tradition it makes it that much more special. Our many highlights have always been snowballs, feeding the ducks at the park on campus, a grand tour of UL sports facilities and pointing out our favorite places around town!!! It may sound silly to some but it truly makes us feel so much peace; because we can now say we share this exact tradition with all three of our children!!!! Lastly we will all snuggle up tonight to try and mend Mommy’s heart! Sweet dreams my sweet boy for tomorrow I will need you with me. I always have to fight the urge to cry because August 17th is by far the best day of my life as well as the hardest.
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