Six years ago on this very night I posted this picture of my sweet boy. His smile in this 3D ultrasound picture still gets me every time I look at it. As I lay here unable to rest I am trying to figure out how I actually survived all of those long nights. Yes it’s still a daily survival challenge but I mean knowing in just 2 days my miracle would be here but no one (and I mean no one) could even tell us what Braxton’s diagnosis meant. Literally no one in the world new what to tell us to expect or that they had seen another baby like our Braxton. Now years later we do know we are one in four couples ever documented in the entire world where both the mother and father carry this rare gene. Seriously??????? So that explains why no one could even slightly help us. Let’s just say when our genetic specialist had the lab findings in front of us he told us it had to be a lab error. We were not only retested multiple times we even had to have all 4 grandparents to prove it was passed down. Oh and finding a lab that did the testing was another obstacle as well. Sure they could draw as much blood, take bone biopsies and saliva that they wanted to but then what? We were completely alone and I honestly feel that way a lot still today. But I still can’t seem remember how I survived it. I do remember every night staying awake for hours to feel Braxton move. It was the best thing in the world and it was such a special time; when all was quiet and still and I could just connect with my sweet boy. As scared as I was I would go back in a heartbeat just to have him with me. Without even thinking twice I would carry him again for the 40 weeks of pregnancy and the one day I got to keep him. Even if it meant knowing how it would all play out again.... I would go back.
Never take for granted even the simple moments in life because when those moments have to become memories it’s hard to accept sometimes... no matter how many years go by.
No comments:
Post a Comment