Today...

Wow today was one of those days I woke up not wanting to face, but end up realizing I was meant to be apart of!!!!

Today...

- I opened my eyes still exhausted from crying them out the night before 

- I made myself put one foot in front of the other and join the normal world around me

- I reminded myself as I got dressed that am just like every other person on this normal Tuesday morning

- I woke my children with a smile and a hug so that they wouldn’t see the pain in my eyes from my weak moment I allowed myself to have yesterday

- I prayed for God to remind me that I was a good or even the perfect Mother for these children he had blessed me with

- I allowed myself to question everything and lay in bed after my family had left for the day

- I coached myself as I drove to work to be aware of the blessings in front of me

- I witnessed a person show up unannounced and express to another that he was grateful for her care over 3 years ago

- I selfishly smiled as I was told my Brother was so handsome and that he and I shared the same eyes 

- I looked at the sneak pics of my kids photo shoot and saw something in the background that proved God has had a plan in place for many years

- I talked to a best friend on her daughters second birthday and remembered the struggle she felt with even getting pregnant and the sound of her voice the exact moment she called to tell me she was pregnant

- I then remembered the fear that friend expressed that she felt even sharing her happy news after all I had been through and realizing in that moment that maybe I was the unapproachable friend because of my loss

- I remembered all the times my sadness and heartache has helped others even when I didn’t want to be that strength 

- I looked at an unopened letter from my Aunt & Uncle

that I know contains the next step in my bible study or reading that is meant for me to read

- I stayed in a place scared to read the words my mentors I love so much as they open heartedly are trying to help me

- I told myself it was ok to move at my own pace when it came to my Faith and that those who love me understand and are not waiting for acknowledgement in their promise to walk with me always 

- I was moved by a story I had personally and silently prayed for 

- I got a notice that my pending transaction for a fundraiser of an innocent sick little boy had gone through,  even after I had beaten myself up because I was embarrassed I couldn’t afford more to  donate

- I received the gift of a simple cross in the picture shown in this blog

- I was shocked that after 6 years of living without my Braxton, and always knowing his number was 17 that I had never looked to see what bible verse 17:17 was

- I laid down to go to sleep and for the first time in a long time I cried tears of gratitude, tears of understanding and tears of promise!!!!!

Even if years after a loss you see a person continuing on with life please know that they are their because of the love and support that surround them.  Each day is beyond a battle for so many and the smallest little gesture can remind them that they are loved. And sometimes that gesture is exactly what they need to simply survive another second, minute, day or year.  You just never know how much the love and friendship you give truly means!!!!!