I Trust You Lord

"And when a sickness takes my child away
And there's nothing I can do
My only hope is to trust You
I trust You LORD"

 I still struggle with the best day of my life also being the hardest day of my life.  As August begins I can feel the emotions resurfacing.  This is Braxton's birth month.  And it does not get any easier as each year passes.  The only thing that has proved to be true for my sanity is allowing myself to trust the Lord.  And that has not been easy, in fact it has been down right the hardest thing I have ever done and still do as each day goes by.  Many days I almost gave up, but Braxton pushes me to keep going.  So slowly I will need to put our journey into words.  I know in my heart it is what I need to allow myself to take a step in my healing process.  I have known for a long time that I needed to do this for me, for my family and for one day my kids to have.  And most importantly I promised Braxton on his special day that his story would be told and if it only reached one person that needed it then that was worth it.  I pray that as I begin to share our most precious moments that we are not judged.  Even though everyone has their opinions in life, and boy have we been given them (even if we never asked for them lol), this is still our story and opinions can hurt.  Words and unspoken judgement can hurt more than some know.  And after all we have been through we ask that you please consider our feelings when reading or simply don't read.  The choices we have had to make were never easy and always were given much love and prayer as we took each step.  And believe me there were a lot of choices no parent should ever have to face, but when a parent does face them all you can do is trust in the Lord.  I am planning to tell our journey in parts to allow myself time to reflect on each entry and not to do it all at once to overwhelm myself either.  This has been on my heart for some time and once again I am putting my thoughts and feelings in the trust of the Lord to guide me as I open up.  And though I know our story is not over until we meet again, it is time to start where I began to see life for what it truly is....  Borrowed Time.