The Littlest Things Can Hit You The Hardest

Today we finally got into our condo for our beach vacation!!!!  We are over the moon excited for 7 days of the sand and ocean!  The kids are what I would call beyond excited and seems like their energy has hit overdrive!  I have to keep reminding myself they are young and just excited because if not I will freak out because my patience can only take so much LOL!  After unloading the car and unpacking we planned to take the kids to at least put their toes in the sand before the sun went down.   Finally it seemed like everything was unpacked and as I was walking Brent and I's room to head to the kitchen to see how I could help in there I placed our beach shoes by the door.  And that's when it hit me!  I couldn't hold back the tears and I felt like I had literally been punched in the stomach.  It was like the air had been knocked out of me and I was sobbing like a big baby.  I went straight back into the bedroom to find something else to do in there so I could buy time to compose myself.  I sat on the floor and just continued to cry.  You see the last time we were here was in 2012.  We came right before I delivered Braxton as a family because I wanted him to hear the waves at least once.  And our amazing friends offered us the condo again while I was on maternity leave after losing Braxton to give us a small escape.  So I haven't been here since and it just seemed like the emotions of being here again took over.  And those shoes placed there by the door ready to slip on to go down to the beach represented my family.  But this time there are two extra pairs right next to Mommy & Daddy's!  It probably sounds so silly but if you only knew how huge this is to me.  Those tiny shoes are for the two precious miracles Braxton sacrificed everything for.  Without him those shoes would not be here.  Because without him we would of never learned of the disease Brent & I carried around  unknowingly that could be passed down to 1 in 4 of any pregnancies we would have.  I was told I may never have those pairs of shoes next to ours and to try and plan for a full life in other aspects other than children.  Those shoes may mean nothing to others when they go on vacation but to me they mean the purpose of all we have been through.   They are worth every tear and every bit of pain I still struggle with, they are my answered prayers!!