Heart Melting Pics

When your working crazy hours and your Mom sends you this pic... heart melts instantly.

Mixed feelings between jealousy, guilt and pride.  

Jealousy because I wish I was snuggling with him.

Guilt because I’m his Mommy and should be there with him every night.

And pride because I am doing what I have to do I can provide for him!

Praying so much that God is in charge of our happiness through all of these big changes lately!

Happy Birthday Daddy

Happy birthday Daddy!!!!  After years of celebrating this guys birthday with him; nothing tops having our babies with us for these special events!  I did learn three new things this year...

 after over 15 birthday celebrations with Brent lol.

1). If you let your 4 year old plan the party expect a blue cake on the agenda and for it to taste as bad as it looks lol!  But the memories are in the baking right????

2). If you spell out the word OLD in candles on top of the cake don’t expect to see the cake in any of the pictures lol.  It literally looks like a light bulb!!!!!!

3). Now matter how many years pass I will always and I mean always buy the wrong size fishing shirt and wrap it.   Ughhhhhh I mean how hard can that be lol.  I at least have learned to save the receipts after all these years!!!!

Happy birthday Old Man!  

Even after all we have been through we still come out somehow together!

Praying for many more!

Being Patient Is Hard But Worth It

After a long day with decisions and signs you have to trust God will provide in his time!

Then when your baby girl picks the Bible for her bedtime story you can’t help but know your Angel up there is working overtime.

“You don’t always need a plan.

Sometimes you just need to 

breathe.

Trust.

Let go.

And see what happens.”

“You may not see it today or tomorrow,

But you will look back in a few years and be

absolutely perplexed and awed by how every little

thing added up and brought you somewhere

Wonderful...

Or where you always wanted to be.

You will be grateful that things didn’t work out

the way you once wanted them to.”

“Pray for...

the strength to be patient,

the courage to keep trusting,

and the courage to keep loving.

It’s easy to set your standards high on the good days,

but when you’re discouraged and tired,

have what it takes not to settle.

Timing is everything,

you have to believe that if you 

keep growing and learning,

things will work out exactly 

how they’re supposed to.”

Stay At Home Mom Sarah

Today I had a random day off of work, which means today I got to be a stay at home mom!  Well I at least got to pretend I am one lol.  I did the drop offs and pick ups, laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, dinner cooked (at a decent time for once), homework, play time, bath time, tuck ins and bedtime story time.  I know my babies know I love them even though I can’t do all of these things every single day, but it still hurts that I can’t.  After having a work schedule for years and suddenly everything changing you can’t help but feel anxious.  It is even more nerve racking knowing my kids have to go through it all too.  They are to little to understand the details and reasons poor things.  And when they hurt and ask my why I have to work so much lately it tears me apart.  They truly don’t understand I have always worked it’s just that I worked while they were at daycare so they never really noticed.  So now with crazy shifts with early mornings and late nights they are so confused.  I just keep praying that God is preparing me for exactly where I need to be; and in the meantime, I truly hope they know Mommy loves them more than anything in this world.

“Here’s the deal...

Just because you can’t 

be a stay at home mom

doesn’t mean you are any less awesome

 than the ones who are blessed to be.

Not everyone can be a stay at home mom,

 and the reality is not everyone

 is cut out to be a working mom either.

You are one of the chosen.

Breathe and pray.

You are still loved

 and your children know you love them. 

Anything that doesn’t get done, 

doesn’t need to be done.

Truth is you have two full time jobs

 and you still get it all done!”

Missing You

Simply missing you my baby,

yesterday,

today

and everyday 

for the rest of my life.

Religion 101 With Leighton

 Leighton:     Hey Mom!!!!!

Me:     Yeah Peanut?

Leighton:     I named Jean Paul’s two ninja turtles God and Jesus!

Me:     Oh well that sure makes them nice turtles.

Leighton:     But then I told Jean Paul I can’t name that one God but we can still name this one Jesus and now he is mad and crying at me.

Me:     Well why can’t you leave the names as God and Jesus sweetie?  Those are really nice names and if it makes him happy then that should make us happy?  Right?

Cue sassy stance....  hand on hip, pajamas, heels, sunglasses and attitude!!!!

Leighton:     Mommmmmm Mrs Abshire said God is a spirit and Jesus is a man!  So we can’t name the ninja turtle God because he is a spirit!!!!!

Me:     Ohhhhhhh now I see that does make perfect sense!!!!

I can’t argue with that can I?  I guess “God Class” (Religion) is working for this little girl lol!!!

Family Friends

There are friends.

There is family.

Then there are friends

who become family!

I Never Thought All This Could Be Mine

Six years ago today we buried our sweet baby boy Braxton to rest.  It is a day that was a blur but at the same time one I remember every single minute of.  It is hard to explain that but it’s true.  I felt like I was outside of my body watching everything go on that day yet I felt inside all of the intense pain.  And at times I remember even having to remind myself that this was really happening.  Last year on this day I wrote about the sounds I remembered from the cemetery because so many things echoed in my mind about it.  It is said that there is no physical pain greater than that of losing a child.  I have to agree one hundred percent.  And With all the love and support that we are blessed to have it is still hard to keep going day after day feeling so incredibly alone.  Peoples lives move on while you feel you can’t.  Sometimes they don’t realize you didn’t just lose your baby... you lost every milestone, holiday and memory that was supposed to occur for many years.  Everything you look at or experience you see it from the “ I wonder how my baby would like this, or now my baby would be 6 etc”.  Even the happiest times still make your heart ache for them to be here.  Along with all the tears, heartache and numbness I felt that day I mostly remember the fear.  Fear of never having another baby, fear of others judging me for my way of Mothering, fear of forever feeling like a failure because I couldn’t protect my child, fear that I was damaged, fear of not being trusted enough by God to keep a child and fear that my hopes, dreams and prayers were not worthy of being heard.  So this morning as I got ready for my 5 AM shift at the hospital I was reaching for the bathroom light switch about to leave and noticed this in my bed. 

 Yes at first it looks like a crowded nightmare of tangled sheets and feet jabbing you in your ribs all night  lol. 

 It also shows sneaky night ninja Jean Paul and his stubborn self wearing flannel Dino pjs in August, in Louisiana because he refused to listen when I told him it was to hot for them.  Which in turn means he projects more body heat on us all night long. 

 Then you see Leighton who apparently took it upon herself to change into her dancing leotard before creeping into our bed; just in case we need a redo performance of her dance Revue in the middle of the night.

  If you look at Brent tucked away on the edge of the bed where he can fit, but then try and measure the space that’s left for me????

  But that’s not at all what I see in this picture.  

I see a husband who knows sometimes I need my babies next to me in fear of waking in a panic like I often do, searching for my kids... one of whom I don’t get to find and realize my pain is real. 

 I see two babies who saved us beyond reason while also teaching me I am truly worthy of  love.  And in between the two of them if you look closely you will see a single baby blanket; Braxton’s baby blanket.  The very blanket my Mom handmade for him that I held him wrapped in for hours through the night before I had to let him go.  I still put his baby lotion on it so I can smell him the way I remember.  I sleep with his blanket every single night, because knowing he touched it gives me so much comfort.

  So wether you can understand it or not I clearly see all of 

my hopes, 

my dreams

 and my prayers 

in one picture;

 with an overwhelming reflection of God’s Love!

Daddy May Need Cosmetology Classes

Read text from Brent in picture above before reading this blog lol!

My poor baby girl!  Her first two weeks of big girl school and Mommy has to be at work for 5 AM sooooooooo guess who is left to do her hair?????  And for all of you who are like “OH SHA that’s so cute” he doesn’t mean a hair rubber band.  Yep my little girl went to school with more bumps than Louisiana I 10 and had a real old school tan rubber band in her hair.  And not a new one, it was tied in a knot because it was so old and dry rotted from being in the center console of her Daddy’s truck lol.   So needless to say she was ready to tattle on him big time by the time I picked her up from school lol.  One more week baby girl then Mommy will be home for awhile to do your hair in the mornings lol!!! 

My Rare Angel

Rare is the word they used to describe you Braxton.

And most days I still can’t understand the depths of the rarity.  Not one Dr can still today explain it to us either.  But no matter what...

Rare you may be,

but mine you are!!!!

Love you bigger than the sky sweet boy!

“Perfect in your imperfections”

He Is Remembered

Even after 6 years the sound of his name lights my heart on fire.  Nothing is better to a grieving mother than simply knowing her child is remembered.  All day long Friday; on Braxton’s birthday, I was reminded of how many people my sweet boy has touched.  I may not of replied to everyone but I sure hope each person that took the time to reach out to me knows how much it meant.  This year took me by surprise, as it affected me more than I had planned for.  I am so blessed to have so many people in my life that love me more than I feel I am worth.

A child’s death

forever changes a family

and those who love them.

The experience of grief is lifelong...

it does not go away

 after a certain amount of time.

Yes, it softens

but always there is a place

 in your heart and your soul

 that yearns for that child.

Another Year And Still No Easier

We miss you

so much,

 It hurts.

But when I think of the memories 

we continue to make

I feel incredibly blessed...

I Love You.

Until Forever...

I wish I could properly blog my baby boys birthday in an appropriate and deserving way.  But in all honesty I am having a moment of bitterness/jealousness.  I want to feel normal for at least one fourth of a day; yet I can’t.  I will always be the Mom who lost her son, the Mom who is trying to hold it all together on the outside while she questions everything she is on the inside,  the Mom who

wants to emit faith, hope and Love, a Mom

who questions if she is worth it and a Mom who wakes during the night secretly hoping her son is cuddled up next to her instead of only a memory. After a long emotional day I truly thought my heart would allow me to rest, but instead I feel I could drown in the tears I am crying.  Each year is different and for some reason this one was hard.  I had beyond an amazing day because I had so many people remember my sweet boy in so many ways.  Braxton tomorrow Mommy promises to jump back on the “I am Strong Train” 

but  tonight... Well tonight 

I am sad and broken.

Mommy’s Heart Aches

I can not seem to let myself go to sleep, because if I do then when I wake 6 whole years will have passed since I last held you.  I have no words to say how much my heart is hurting.  For there most likely is no words that could ever truly explain it.  It would be easier to just hide for a week.  Yet I promised Braxton I would never stop carrying out our traditions no matter how many years go by.  So tonight as we always do on Braxton’s birthday Eve we set out one of our family traditions.  Six years ago we had no clue what the next day would bring; but with faith driven hope we kept on.  Brent and I decided the night before Braxton’s birth that we were not going to allow anything keep us from getting the experiences we wanted.  Yes they may not have been exactly how we had dreamed they would be; but it still didn’t mean we couldn’t make our own way.  So that’s exactly what we did.  We loaded up in the car and set out on a tour of Lafayette.  We brought Braxton to every single place we wanted to share with him no matter if he was still in my tummy.  It was one of the best days and I will never forget it.  Brent and I have done this now for 6 years and it doesn’t seem to ease the pain of missing him any.  And as much as I want to break down in tears I always seem to smile through the whole thing.  And now that Jean Paul and Leighton get to be with us for our tradition it makes it that much more special.  Our many highlights have always been snowballs, feeding the ducks at the park on campus, a grand tour of UL sports facilities and pointing out our favorite places around town!!!  It may sound silly to some but it truly makes us feel so much peace; because we can now say we share this exact tradition with all three of our children!!!!  Lastly we will all snuggle up tonight to try and mend Mommy’s heart!  Sweet dreams my sweet boy for tomorrow I will need you with me. I always have to fight the urge to cry because August 17th is by far the best day of my life as well as the hardest.  

My Perfect Braxton

Six years ago on this very night I posted this picture of my sweet boy.  His smile in this 3D ultrasound picture still gets me every time I look at it.  As I lay here unable to rest I am trying to figure out how I actually survived all of those long nights.  Yes it’s still a daily survival challenge but I mean knowing in just 2 days my miracle would be here but no one (and I mean no one) could even tell us what Braxton’s diagnosis meant.  Literally no one in the world new what to tell us to expect or that they had seen another baby like our Braxton.  Now years later we do know we are one in four couples ever documented in the entire world where both the mother and father carry this rare gene.  Seriously???????  So that explains why no one could even slightly help us.  Let’s just say when our genetic specialist had the lab findings in front of us he told us it had to be a lab error.  We were not only retested multiple times we even had to have all 4 grandparents to prove it was passed down.  Oh and finding a lab that did the testing was another obstacle as well.  Sure they could draw as much blood, take bone biopsies and saliva that they wanted to but then what?  We were completely alone and I honestly feel that way a lot still today.  But I still can’t seem remember how I survived it.  I do remember every night staying awake for hours to feel Braxton move.  It was the best thing in the world and it was such a special time; when all was quiet and still and I could just connect with my sweet boy.  As scared as I was I would go back in a heartbeat just to have him with me.  Without even thinking twice I would carry him again for the 40 weeks of pregnancy and the one day I got to keep him.  Even if it meant knowing how it would all play out again.... I would go back. 

 Never take for granted even the simple moments in life because when those moments have to become memories it’s hard to accept sometimes... no matter how many years go by.

Smile By Day

Communion Is Not The Right Time For This Son

After church yesterday I somehow managed to snap this precious picture of my babies!  Who would of ever guessed minutes before Jean Paul told our priest as I received communion...

“Bye bye Jesus

We are done

Bye Bye Jesus

We are OUT!!!”

All the while waving at him with a huge smile on his face!  And his tone was pretty close to a rap singer closing out a concert with a mic drop LOL!!!

WE OUT!!!!!

What else can you do but giggle a little lol.  Luckily our priest encourages us whole heartedly to bring our little ones to mass!  And as he smiled at us he calmly said “That’s how they learn, keep bringing him!”  I don’t know if he heard him completely but he still proved to me he had  no judgement; just a few words and a warm smile to let this half embarrassed Mom it was all ok.  

Well We Survived

Well it’s true we survived the first day of Pre-K!!!!!  Only took us the whole weekend to recover but we survived lol.  Friday was not only a big day for Leighton... it was for Mommy too.  Emotions were running on high but ended with big smiles!  Friday I woke up my little girl singing the same School Days song my Mom sang to us every year on the first day of school.  Even if I was away for college she would call just to sing it to me.  Leighton started giggling the quickly looked at me and asked if I was going to stay with her at big girl school?  I tried to explain how it would work but she still insisted she thought I would wait in the car in the parking lot for her all day just in case.  And I decided to not tell her that wasn’t the plan.  After she was dressed Maw Maw & Pepa showed up with donuts for her big day!  Maw Maw almost started the crying party then but we held it together as we gave Leighton lots of praise on how big she was getting.  Next up was pictures of course; we can’t forget to document every minute right!!!!  Leighton posed and looked like she knew it was all about her today.  As we loaded her up in the car she began to get quiet and I think it was starting to set in that this was go time.  Brent followed us their so he could head to work after drop off, so Leighton and I headed to school.  I had already informed her that no movies were allowed on the way to big girl school; we would say a morning prayer and talk about what the day would bring from now on.  About half way there she asked to hold my hand but didn’t want to engage in anything I tried to discuss with her.  So as we held hands with one arm and I drove with the other the radio began to play Braxton’s song.  Well that started the tears and then there was no going back for this Mommy.  As I looked back at her she asked me to turn it up loud.  Once we got to school Brent and I unloaded our little girl in her perfectly ironed uniform and she immediately clung to my leg.  I knew then that this wasn’t going to be easy on either of us.  The big smile she had on all morning slowly turned to a look of fear and confusion.  We tried to act normal as we escorted out baby into her class.  She proudly showed her Daddy her cubby and how to hang her bag and nap mat but as we headed to her seat she started to cry.  She refused to sit in her chair as she hung onto my leg.  Her assistant teacher quickly caught eye of her struggling and tried to welcome her .  Leighton wasn’t t budging.  Finally we had to hand her off and dart for the door.  I didn’t get to say hi to any of the other parents I knew because I had to keep walking.  If I stopped I would lose it, I just knew I would crumble.  I almost sprinted to the car where Brent hugged me and assured me she would be ok.  Which I knew, but it didn’t make it any easier.  As he drove away I sat there and began looking through the pictures of the morning because I needed a few more minutes to gather the strength to drive off.  Next thing I knew my Mom and Dad were parked beside me, and that’s when the tears fell like a waterfall.  Apparently they had parked across the street where they could watch Leighton walk in on her first day of school too lol.  But secretly I think they knew I would need them too.  So after hugs and tears they took me to breakfast to get my mind off of the tears.  After breakfast I must admit the crazy Mom in me drove  back by the school to see if maybe they were outside where I could catch a glimpse of my little girl.  Of course they weren’t so then I decided to head over to visit Braxton so I could feel peace.  Let’s just say 8:30 AM to 3:00 PM seemed like a year that day!  So once it was time to head to school to get her I couldn’t wait.  My Mom met me to ride and get her and when I saw her waiting in the line to be picked up she looked so tiny, to tiny to be starting school lol. They quickly loaded her in as we pulled out and I looked back at her and said “Well how was your first day!”  I saw the tears welling up in her eyes and I thought oh no she didn’t have a good day and my heart started to hurt.  But she just looked at me and said “I forgot to potty.”  Poor thing either was scared to ask or just didn’t go when time was allowed but she had to go bad.  I pulled in at the grocery store and ran her in to the bathroom.  I think she peed for a minute straight poor girl.  After that was taken care of it was off to celebrate!  And how does my girl celebrate..... with chips and dip of course lol.  Slowly she began to share bits and pieces of her big day.

  This is what her highlights were:

- Nobody cried once all the Mommy and Daddy’s left

- They got to watch a movie

- She walked around the school in a line

- There are two dinosaurs on the playground not one

- She got to run on playground 2 times

- Pink milk and juice was her favorite part about lunch

- You have to hold your lunch tray with 2 hands

- At nap time she got to pick where she wanted to lay

- Her nap mat is soooooooooo soft

- You can’t hit, be mean, yell or push any of your friends, but you can tag them on the playground

- Goldfish and gingerbread cookie was their snack

- Mrs Abshire has really pretty hair

- She really missed Jean Paul and was worried if he asked for her

- They said her name wrong 1 time on speaker for pick up time but then they said it right

- Father Derise gave her a high five and she was tickled about it

- She can demonstrate the conduct faces (smiley, frown and straight) lol

- She colored a picture with Poorain a favorite color orange and was so proud to show us

- She got mud on her new shoes, but Mom it’s just MUDDDD

- She said a prayer with her whole class 

- Her blue play do reminded her that Bubba loves her (my favorite of course)

- And finally she really wanted to know if I took a nap in my car while I sat outside allllllll day lol!!!

Proud Mommy

I seriously do not know what we would do without my parents.  The are beyond the best!!!!  With all the schedule changes lately they have helped us more than we could of ever asked for.  Hopefully things will begin to find a routine soon, but for now I am so blessed to have them helping us.  Today was dentist day for my babies and once again Maw Maw came to the rescue.  But not only was it dentist day it was also Jean Paul’s first appointment ever.  I would of bet money he was going to cut up and leave with dirty teeth just to prove a point lol.  But to my surprise he did amazing.  So is that because Maw Maw took him?  Or because of the way Mommy is raising him lol.  Lately it has been World War III around here when it comes to Jean Paul and I.  The way we butt heads is unreal lol.  But if he continues to act good in public and respectful to others I can’t complain.  I actually think maybe we are doing something right lol!!!!!

First Day Of School For My Angel

When I started this blog I made a promise to myself that I would do my best to be an open book.  That promise was made not to make others feel sorry for me, but simply because I wanted to somehow help others.  Even if it is only one person I want/know Braxton’s journey is supposed to help somehow.  So tonight as I lay here sobbing and unable to sleep  I am searching for a way to explain my feelings.  And the girl who usually digs deep within herself to find a way to share how I take one day at a time is speechless. Today should of been Braxton’s first day of 1st grade.  Today should of been a day of frantic planning  and chaos as I tried to capture his picture this morning before I dropped him off.  Yet once again what should of been wasn’t what really was.  And today it hurt.  My heart hurt beyond measure and I know it shouldn’t to some.  So please keep in your prayers the Mother’s who dream of having that picture each year as their child advances to the next grade.... but don’t get too.  Don’t think of us with pity; yet please just acknowledge you know what we are missing.  It seems like such a silly thing to ask for, but until you don’t have those little things that add up to huge memories you will never know how much it hurts without them.  So as usual my babies and I brought Braxton a balloon and celebrated his first day of school in heaven.  Leighton is adamant he rode a bus to school in heaven... a bus she pointed out that stops at McDonalds on the way lol.  His teacher has the same name as hers (Mrs Abshire) and his playground is magic because it never rains on it.  And when I asked what they would be having for lunch, Jean Paul proudly screamed POPTARTS!!!  I approve of all of it too!  I hope my sweet boy had an amazing first day of 1st grads in heaven.  And I also pray with all my heart he knows how badly I wish I could be in that pick up line in the clouds just once to see him run to my car and get in.  My heart hurts and feels peace at the same time tonight.  And sometimes that tug a war pull of emotion is harder than anything I could ever explain.

To Infinity And Beyond In A Big Boy Bed

I don’t know how much more change this Mommy can take.  As if Leighton going to big girl school at the end of this week wasn’t enough; Turtle got surprised with a big boy bed today!  Please wish us luck on this one lol.  Don’t know if he is more excited about the bed or the Toy Story sheets Maw Maw special ordered.  He didn’t act super surprised when Maw Maw and Pepa showed up with it, but as the night went on I think it started to set in that it was really his lol.  Leighton played the big sister role to a tee.  She never whined once that he got a surprise and she didn’t.   Instead she was over the moon excited for him and that made me very proud.  So night one is underway. 

STAY TUNED!!! 

Adventure Awaits

Don’t blink they said...

Well I did and when I opened my eyes my baby girl was starting Pre - K!  I would be lying if I said I wasn’t sad, but I would also be lying if I didn’t admit I was excited too.  I just wish it wasn’t time lol. In less than 4 days my 4 year old will start a big adventure.  One that will open the doors to so many paths on her blueprint called life.  The things she will learn, the friends she will meet, the memories she will make along with the smiles, hopes, dreams and yes even the tears she will cry will all start here.  My prayer for her is that she will always stay true to herself and believe in herself in everything she does.  I can’t wait to watch her grow into the girl she is meant to be!  Uniform shopping was set to be a huge event, but 4 year olds seems to have different plans for when they want to play the part for Mommy lol.  We survived let’s just put it that way, but Mommy will have to return to finish up the shopping solo LOL!!!!  But as you see I still got my pics!!!!!  So use them as a reminder that everything you see on Facebook isn’t always real life lol.  This pics DO NOT represent how uniform shopping REALLY went!!!!!!  Your welcome I just blasted all those fake Moms that post pics that make you think they have it all under control!!!!! LOL!!!  Although the meet and greet did go very smooth today!  We met our teachers, classmates, got a high five from Father Derise, picked out a spirit shirt and signed up daddy to volunteer (oops we haven’t informed him of that on yet)!!!

  The highlights for Leighton were:

- her very own name tag badge to wear everyday like Mommy does at work

- her own cubby hole and hanger for her booksack

- a kitchen with pretend food in the classroom

- her friends Aubrie and Levi being in her class

- learning her first job will be the Light Girl for the classroom

( she has already been practicing at home by turning the light on and off all night )

- crayons and her own glue stick in her basket on her desk

- that her play dough was blue ( Bubba’s color )

- running on her new playground

- begging me to take her picture of her on the Dino because “Jean Paul will love it”

- skipping with Mommy all the way back to our car

- pointing out that she used her manners when we met her teacher lol

- pictures of pennies on the wall as she whispered “Pennies are from Angels”  in my ear

- getting candy from two older students that made her feel more comfortable

As we drove off she said she needed to ask me two things.  As I braved myself for what was coming she said:

1) I really wish both my brothers could just come to big girl school with me Mommy, why can’t they?

I tried to keep from crying as I reminded her that Bubba is always with you, you know that baby.  And he is especially with you at school because that is where we honor him with our Annual Jambalaya Fundraiser “Braxton Rice Day”!!!  Jean Paul will be with you in two years... and do you really want him trying to eat all your snacks at snack time silly?  She giggled as I saw her precious smile reappear.

2) What are you going to do sitting in the car when I do school stuff at big girl school?

Ummmmmm well I didn’t know what to say lol.  It was then I realized she is a little more scared than I though she was.  Sweet thing thinks I will be waiting in the car all day long.  I didn’t have the heart to tell her just yet that I will be truly dropping her off in a few days.  It may be wrong but if her thinking I’m right outside in the car Friday on her first day makes her feel safe, then I may just let her.  I may not win any Mom of the year awards for that choice but oh well!!!!

So here we come Pre - K!  Hope your ready for my little girl because she is more than special and ready to leave her mark!

Let It All Out

Truth is my shirt says it all in this pic lol!!!!  The second truth is I didn’t even realize I had this shirt on until I looked back at the pics tonight.  Especially when you run out with no makeup to see the water wall for the second time and pray everyone is smiling for the pics! So yes my Mom and I took the kids for a very quick trip to Houston this weekend to see my brother (Poorain) and my sister in law (Ney Ney)!  We had lots of fun with giggles, swimming, naps, food and of course ..... meltdowns!  It’s to be expected but sometimes enough is enough lol.  And by the end of the weekend this Mommy had had enough.  Well let’s just say it was due time for my own meltdown; which indeed I had!!!!  But what I want to point out is that my Mom supported me through it all.  Instead of lecturing me and trying to tell me how to do it better she simply said “let it out” as I sat there crying!  It was just what I needed too.  Yes I know there are things I can do better but that’s not what I needed to hear in that moment.  Now once I had my moment and got it out she did mention she had stories she could share of how I pushed her to the limits years ago lol, but of course I didn’t let her one up me!!!!  I can’t explain how much her silent understanding meant to me today.  We come from a big family and a very loud one at that.  We never hold back and we always say what’s in our mind, but sometimes just being there is more than enough.  Thanks Mom for letting me get it out today.  I love you more than I can ever express and your support means the world to me.  Because the truth is all I have ever wanted was to be a Mom as great as you!

We Got Our Houston Hugs

We made it to Houston for our quick Poorain & Ney Ney visit!!!!  With minimal whining, two movies, 3 stops, multiple snacks and tons of “Are we in Texas yet’” we pulled up in 3.5 hours!!!  I would say that’s pretty darn impressive for 2 toddlers a Mommy and a Maw Maw lol!  But I honestly was very impressed with my babies.  And seeing their smiles when they got their Houston Hugs was well worth the drive.  Leighton giggled most of the way here with excitement and I didn’t think Jean Paul was going to let go when he gave Poorain that first tight squeeze.  Everyone is snuggled up and dreaming of spending the whole day together tomorrow!!!!!

Secret Summer Surprise

This summer has completely rocked our world.  We have had major change in almost every aspect of the word!!!!  To say I’m tired doesn’t even begin to explain it.  Lately it literally feels like Brent and I are saying hi with just enough time to hand off the kids or pick them up/drop them off.  So if I’m mentally, physically and emotionally done I know my sweet kids are too. Some nights we get home later than I would rather admit just because I have to get them trim my Moms after work etc.  So with all this change and adjustment we sadly had to miss our annual beach trip this year.  Last week they were beyond excited for an impromptu trip to Nanny and Uncle J’s house; you would of sworn they had gone to Disney.  So tomorrow even though I can barely keep my eyes open I have one more summer surprise for my babies!!!!  After nap time Maw Maw will be picking them up from daycare (which would be more than enough for them lol), but that’s not it!  Once I get home from work we will surprise them as we drive off back to Texas one more time.  This time it’s to see Poorain and New Ney for one last summer visit!  Swimsuits and pajamas is all I had to pack because this trip is a no plans just swim all day kind of trip.  Leighton and Jean Paul literally just want to swim since we haven’t gotten to much this summer.  The other thing they want more than ever is to be with Poorain and Ney Ney!  So Maw Maw and I will try and fulfill that summer dream with a huge surprise road trip tomorrow!!!!!  I can’t wait to see their little faces when they figure it all out!!!

Sometimes

Sometimes

no matter how strong

a girl is,

she has a weak point.

And sometimes,

all she needs is a hug!!

As the month of August begins this quote is more true than some know!