Friday, August 17, 2018

Another Year And Still No Easier



We miss you
so much,
 It hurts.
But when I think of the memories 
we continue to make
I feel incredibly blessed...
I Love You.
Until Forever...

I wish I could properly blog my baby boys birthday in an appropriate and deserving way.  But in all honesty I am having a moment of bitterness/jealousness.  I want to feel normal for at least one fourth of a day; yet I can’t.  I will always be the Mom who lost her son, the Mom who is trying to hold it all together on the outside while she questions everything she is on the inside,  the Mom who
wants to emit faith, hope and Love, a Mom
who questions if she is worth it and a Mom who wakes during the night secretly hoping her son is cuddled up next to her instead of only a memory. After a long emotional day I truly thought my heart would allow me to rest, but instead I feel I could drown in the tears I am crying.  Each year is different and for some reason this one was hard.  I had beyond an amazing day because I had so many people remember my sweet boy in so many ways.  Braxton tomorrow Mommy promises to jump back on the “I am Strong Train” 
but  tonight... Well tonight 
I am sad and broken.

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