Asking Bubba To Be With us Tomorrow

Tomorrow is a big day for us!  We know God and our sweet Braxton will protect us in which ever way we head.  But like normal I always tend to worry even when things are well beyond my control.  Today I got a picture from my Mom saying she made a special visit to her lil man to ask him to remind Mommy that God has a plan for us always!  The moment I clicked on my text messages and saw this pic my eyes instantly filled with tears.  I took a deep breath and immediately felt better.  There are so many things in life that I forget to hand over to God.  Of all people you would think me; an Angel Mom, should know by now that I am not in control.  I wish daily that things could be different when it comes to my sweet Braxton, but I am also thankful every single day for the special blessing Braxton is to my family.  He is the last thing I see in my prayers every single night before I close my eyes and he is the first thing I think of as my eyes open each morning.  I selfishly hope his sweet cry will be what wakes me for just one morning, but I know that will not happen.  So that is where the pain and heartache creeps in and I ask him for his strength.  Because with even an ounce of his strength I can conquer the world.  But tomorrow as we wait for the calls to learn where his siblings will go to learn and grow in their Catholic Education I am begging him for more than strength I am asking him for acceptance.  For me, their Mommy, to accept with an open heart Gods plan for his sister and brother as we begin a new chapter of our journey.  A journey I know our Braxton is guiding every step of the way!

What Makes A Mother

Can you be a Mother when your baby is not with you?

I thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to God today.

I asked “What makes a Mother?” And I know I heard Him say,
“A Mother has a baby”.   This we know is true.
  “But God can you be a Mother when your baby’s not with you?”
“Yes you can,” He replied with confidence in His voice.
“I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice.
  Some I send for a lifetime, and others for the day
 and some I send to feel your womb, but there’s no need to stay.”
 “ I just don’t understand this God I want my baby to be here.”
 He took a deep breath and cleared His throat, and there I saw the tear.
“I wish I could show you, what your child is doing today.
 If you could see your child’s smile, with all the other children and say...”
“We go to Earth to learn our lessons of love and life and fear.
 My Mommy loved me oh so much, I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me.
 I learned my lessons very quickly, so my Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much but I visit her everyday.
  When she goes to sleep on her pillow that is where I lay,
 I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek, and whisper in her ear,
“Mommy don’t be sad today, I’m your baby and I’m here.”
So you are my dear sweet ones, your children are okay.
Your babies are born with you but now are in my home and here is where they’ll stay.
They’ll wait for you with me until your lessons through.
And on the day that you come home they’ll be at the gates for you.
So now you see what makes a Mother, It’s the feeling in your heart.
It’s the love you had so much of right from the very start.
Though some on Earth may not realize you are a Mother until their time is done.
They’ll be up here with me and always know that you are the best one.”

Happy Birthday Pepa

It doesn’t matter how old you are nothing beats spending your one special day; your birthday, with your family.  The must haves are a cake, candles, a family that thinks they can sing and everyone getting a turn to help blow out the candles.  Notice I didn’t say presents!  There comes a time when Grandparents solely request quality time with their grandkids for heir birthday in place of gifts!  Growing up I could of never imagined understanding how anyone could ever say they didn’t want a present for their birthday!  Oddly enough now I completely understand!!!!  Time is beyond precious and it is never promised.... that we know all to well!  So any reason to be together is a gift in our book!  Happy Birthday to the best Pepa in the whole wide world!!

Another Perfect Weekend At Maw Maw’s

When Pepa and Daddy are out of town there is only one thing to do...... slumber party at Maw Maw’s all weekend long!!!!  There is nothing better than being at my Mom’s house with my babies.  We had a very productive weekend with lots of laughs, snuggles and memories made! 

Friday night included:
- Leighton & Daddy keeping a huge secret about running away to Maw Maw's without us knowing
(it was beyond precious seeing Leighton bursting at the seams to keep her secret in that she truly believed Mommy had no idea about)

- Pizza party with Daddy before he headed out of town

- Movie and snuggle time

 Saturday included:

- Haircut for Jean Paul

Tux fitting for Jean Paul

- Cookie making for Pepa’s birthday dinner when he gets home

- Play do time

- Coloring, games and toys galore

- Leighton tackled some of her Flower Girl duties for the up coming wedding

- Bubble Bath

- Mock practice for Flower Girl & Ring Bearer (which worried me more once the practiced)

- More movie time but this time with popcorn
- And basically Maw Maw saying yes to there every desire

Sunday included:

- Blueberry muffins

- Frozen on repeat allllllll day long

- Shoe shopping for Leighton & Maw Maw

- Barbies, Barbies, Barbies

- Constant entertainment from Jean Paul

- Pepa’s homecoming with souvenirs galore
(and nothing tops souvenirs when they are Mardi Gras themed)
- A new toy Pepa found at the Science Museum that they thought was way cooler than anything Mom ever gets them

- Dance performance and silly time

The whole weekend was filled with smiles and hugs which to me are the best kinds of weekends! My kids are normal kids with tons of energy and the need to push our buttons sometimes, but overall this weekend I was reminded of how good they truly are too!  Yes Jean Paul did not receive a great grade for haircut and tux fitting but those are a work in progress.  I still can’t figure out why he is completely terrified of having his hair cut?  So anything after that was my fault for pushing him especially with the bad weather we had.  But we survived and made it back to Maw Maw’s where he recovered with her spoiling him lol!  But Leighton & Jean Paul played amazing together and behaved so good I was beyond proud.  Manners were used and they proved to me that you don’t always have to be going somewhere in order to have fun.  Just being together is enough to make some of the best memories!  I know as the years pass by these weekends will be different as they grow up and want to be with their friends more than me, and that Maw Maw & Pepa will "grow up" too but I pray they always remember weekends like this one.  The ones where pajamas all day long are a must, kisses count as payment for things you ask for at Maw Maw's house and most of all that Mommy is way calmer and cooler at Maw Maw & Pepa's too!  Something about being home can't be beat.  Yes I am almost 40 and still want/need my parents by my side every step of the way and you can call me crazy, but I would not change a thing.

He Will Protect Me

He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
Psalm 91:4

Press On

There’s going to be very painful

moments in your life that will change

your entire world in a matter of minutes.

These moments will change YOU.

Let them make you 

stronger, smarter, and kinder.

But don’t you go and become someone

that you’re not.

Cry.

Scream if you have to.

Then you straighten out that crown 

and keep it moving.

Some Moments Catch You Off Guard

Still takes my breath away when I catch little moments like this!

Life As A Younger Brother

I got this pic today while Maw Maw and Jean Paul where sitting in the car waiting for sister to finish her dancing class!  I couldn’t help but giggle as I looked at my precious baby boys genuine smile!  I mean how can your day be any better than with Maw Maw and I’m sure over a hundred toys and snacks in one car for an hour just the two of you!  It made me think back to when my poor brother had to get drug everywhere while I did every single after school activity that I could convince my parents to let me join.  My Mom and Brother still bring up the “poor Robert” stories about how he had to tag along for everything I did!  Well here is the proof that the life of being the younger Brother ain’t that bad lol!!!!!!  Shoot now that we are always so busy I would actually pay for one on one time with my Mom if I could get it lol.  I feel guilty most days when I can’t be the Mom that has a work schedule that allows her to be the “soccer mom” at this time but when I see a smile like this then at least I know I’m doing something right by asking Maw Maw for help right?

Stopped To Say Hi

How can it only be Tuesday???  Somehow this week already feels like it’s been so long.  Having some rough nights with Leighton and personally feeling defeated in so many areas of my life right now.  A lot of it is probably my own stress I put on myself to do everything just perfectly right even though I know that isn’t possible!  But I guess it’s human nature to want the most for yourself and family so when you feel like you aren’t doing that it takes a toll on you.  So after picking up the kids today I knew just what we all needed..... a visit with Bubba!  As soon as we pulled into the cemetery Leighton started squealing “Bubba oh Bubba we are here!!!”  My heart skipped at least a thousand beats and I felt better already!  We got down and played and visited for a little bit and the kids even sang happy birthday to him just because they wanted to lol!  And then as we started to load up in the car Leighton said “Mommy I like how we tell Bubba we love him every night after prayers!”  “I do too sweetie, I do too!”  I know that he is with us always and that truly is one of the main things that keeps me going!  I pray each and everyday that Braxton knows I did everything I could for him and that I’m trying my hardest to be the best Mom I can and even on the days I feel I have fallen short I hope he knows I won’t give up!!!

Father & Son

God knows how long he has waited for this moment!!!!!

“One night a father overheard his son pray:

Dear God,

make me the kind of man my Daddy is.

Later that night, the father prayed,

Dear God,

make me the kind of man my son wants me to be.”

Night Out

Can’t lie getting ready to go somewhere with friends is not as easy as it used to be.  Between trying to find time to shower and look at least presentable after a weekend with 2 kids while Brent was away and the battle of the self guilt of leaving them before I even walk out the door phew I’m already tired lol.  Yes today I got some Mommy time.  And yes it took over 3 and a half hours just for me to get myself ready with one screaming for juice every 5 minutes and the other one begging for her iPad which I don’t allow her to use all day long like she thinks she should be allowed to do!  Then right when I think I have them settled and happy they either decide to pretend to be WWE Wrestlers or see who can jump off the furniture with the most air time??????  But I did it and you know what I had a damn good time once I got out lol!  Dinner and a broadway play with one of my oldest friends Katie! Good thing the play had a start time because we may have stayed at the restaurant and ordered another bottle of wine lol!  But what do you expect when 2 girlfriends haven’t seen each other in forever.... there is a lot to catch up on!!!  There is something to be said about friends that you don’t get to see or talk to everyday like you used to before kids, but somehow seem to always catch up like no time has passed!  And to be honest I had a lot of excuses I could of used to just stay in my pj’s and just stay home but I’m so glad I didn’t!  Don’t ever think you are alone in this world ladies.... your friends are just as busy as you are but we need to figure out how to make time for each other more.  I felt lost for such a long time in the friend department growing up but when I met Katie and the rest of “her” girls I honestly knew I found my own true friends!  There has been so much that we have shared and been through together and I don’t know if I can ever ask for better friends!   Some things I don’t think friends will ever in their lifetime experience and honestly I pray they never have too, but if so I pray they have the support I have had!  The test of time and hardships has tried its hardest to come between us but some bonds can not be broken and some friends love you enough to not let you slip away!  Never forget the ones who have been there through it all!

Oh My Jean Paul

Oh my Jean Paul how you wear me out!!  From sun up to sun down this little boy can go from the sweetest, most loveable and cuddly little boy to the baddest, most stubborn and hard headed little boy!  It’s fair to say he has more than rocked my world!  He has made me learn real quick that things can not always be planned out on a schedule!  His noise level is way above anything that should be used in doors and his temper is far greater than a 1 year old should own.  He will defy you while he stares you in the face as you are repeating “No Jean Paul!”  And don’t think you can fool him by trying to distract him from something he wants cause just when you thought no child could repeat the same thing anymore after 1000 times, he takes a deep breath and multiples 1000 by 10 and keeps on going!  Our boy can give you a look that can make a grown adult question themselves or back down, but he can also melt your heart with another look 2 seconds later.  His personality is beyond colorful in so many ways that usually keeps use laughing at him constantly!  Not only does he sit in time out most of the day, he also feels he has the authority to put me in time out and he now puts himself in timeout before I even have too.  And no it’s not cause he is a good boy doing what he is told it is because he would rather the punishment over stopping whatever he is being told not to do lol!  I can’t wait to see how this little boy will challenge me through the years because his pure sweet heart is far worth all the grey hair he has already given me!

  How can this precious face wake with such fire in his blood!!!  I know he will move mountains and change things for the better in this world because he has already done that for me in more than a million ways!!  Stay true to who you are always Jean Paul Vincent.... just give Mommy a little break every now and then please!

Surprise Sleepover

Sometimes you just need a surprise Sleepover at Maw Maw’s house!!!!  And Mexican food and dance parties are required!!!!

Louisiana Sneaux Days

Sadly even though the ice still sits outside here in Louisiana we had to return to daycare and work today in the Bergeron family.  Would of killed for one more day inside with my little family but I need to just be happy we even got one lol.  So crazy to look outside and see white and I know that we won't see it for a long time...possibly years again!  We have been blessed twice this winter with what we would call a Winter Wonderland lol.  My kids really do not understand the rarity of what happened this season.  So much so that Leighton has made up her own rule for snow days.  Tuesday when we got the call that we needed to pick the kids up before the roads got to bad it just so happened to be at nap time. Well to Leighton she thought getting to skip nap at school was just the greatest thing that has ever happened to her.  It was so cute to hear her explain what happened on Snow Day in THE SCOTT, LOUISIANA LOL!  So this morning when it was time to get back to routine she was a little upset, but to lift her spirits she came up with a new rule that she still can not believe I said ok to!  So Leighton has decided that every time it snows outside that she gets to skip a nap that day!  I barely could keep from busting out laughing, UMMMMM well that is a great rule I told her.  Poor thing is so excited and has no idea that she may not see snow again for a very long time.  But I didn't dare tell her that lol.  It reminded me of a rule I made up as a child that my parents still find hilarious.  They said that I was so proud one year on my birthday to be older that I declared I should be able to add one minute later to my bed time each year on my birthday.  Naturally my parents agreed without telling me that truly wouldn't be much more time up lol.  So after hearing Leighton's rule I think I felt what they have been describing feeling when I so proudly made up that rule years ago.  Can't help but laugh and also can't help but notice how truly innocent their little minds are at this age.  So the Bergeron's will be having naps on all days that it does not snow and no naps on the days it does snow!!  Yep sounds great to me!!!!

Snow Day #2

Just in case this ice/snow melts our Jean Paul is ready for the flood!!!

Half Snow Day

Well what do we do in Louisiana when we get a half day off of school and work do to snow??????  First we check the news to make sure we heard right?

Then we:

- take naps 

- cook a vegetable beef soup all afternoon

- get makeovers from Leighton

- play in the ice till our hands are frozen

- watch Jean Paul waddle around in his snow gear because he refuses to take it off for hours

- FaceTime maw maw a million times because we wish we were at her house

- wear our flannel pajamas since we don’t get to do that much

And just enjoy being together and also realize our sitters worth cause phew even half a day was longgggggggggggg lol!!!

And to top it all off we just got word that we are all off tomorrow!!!!!! 

Bad Mom Award

So I have been asked more than a couple of time this week what happened to Jean Paul’s nose:(

Well I’m sorry to say it all happened from a chicken nugget lol!  And yes you heard me right a chicken nugget!  Last week one day after daycare I decided to treat the kids to happy meals so I drove up to the drive thru without telling them where we were going!  You should of heard the squeals from the back seat!!!! OLD MCDONALD YAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!  Well like any other kids I’m sure; mine want nothing to do with the chicken if I give them the fries first!  So they know the drill they have to attempt some chicken first!!!!  Well Mr. Greedy Pants or just Mr. I Have To Eat All The Time  could not wait to get home to start those nuggets.  Mind you live maybe 2 miles away from McDonald’s, but those 2 miles must feel like 60 to him the way he acts.  After the 15,000 time of him saying “kicken mommy kicken pease” and seeing his little chubby hand over the side of his car seat raised in the air reaching for a nugget (he still sits rear facing so poor buddy)!  Finally after my explanation of trying to cool then was getting me no where I said “ fine Jean Paul here but they are hot!”  Well I never heard another peep until I saw his hand up again and a little voice saying “all gone.. more!”  I handed him another one and he ate that one too!  Never did I hear a cry or a scream that would let me know something he burned him!  And before you start thinking wow she is brutal handing thy boy a burning hot nugget.  It really was not that hot or obviously I would never have given it to him no matter how much he whined.  Once we got home sand unloaded I put him in his high chair to finish his happy meal.  It was then unnoticed a bubble type burn on his nose.  And within a day it was a full on scab that looked like I deserved a really good story of how it got there lol!  But nope, sorry to say to all the inquiring minds..... it was only a chicken nugget!  But if you know Jean a Paul and his love for food then you will think nothing of it.  Actually you may find it funny since it fits him and his personality!!!!!!

Old McDonald had a farm

And on that farm he had some 

chickens .....

Some hot chicken nuggets!!!!

E I E I O

Just Remember

WHENEVER GRIEF

TRIES TO STEAL

THE BEAUTY 

OF YOUR MEMORIES

JUST REMEMBER

LOVE NEVER DIES...

NEVER

Donut Hole

When your best friends have a baby you don’t get to do your nightly post because you can’t put him down (and won’t)!!!!!!  Unkie Donut ( what Leighton calls her Uncle Brent ) and Aunt Andi let us get lots of snuggles today with Donut Hole!!!!  We may not let him ever leave!!!

That’s When You Know You Are Turning Into Your Mother

So after 30 minutes of searching for my keys so me and Leighton could head home.... we found them lol.  The search included in:

- a detective glove

- a magnifying glass

- completely emptying my make up bag and purse

- emptying my Moms purse because she is famous for dropping things in there

- searching every room

- under the couch

- in the couch

- emptying all the toy buckets and book buckets

- checking the pantry 

- Leighton checking dryer multiple times and saying “seriously mom” each time 

- Leighton telling us this was a real mystery 

To me finally saying I would check the fridge!  And as I was headed that way it hit me yep there in the fridge I said!!!!  My Mom said how do you know?  Welllllll you see what happened was...... when I got to my Mom’s I walked in with a seafood stuffed potato from work and I didn’t want it to sit on the car long!  So I said out loud “ Don’t let me forget Brent’s potato in the fridge, oh never mind I’ll put my keys on it so I ant forget it!!!!!!  But this tired, mush brain Momma forgot they were in there! Yep it’s crazy to say I  becoming my Mother after all!!!!

Who Would Of Thought

Well tonight’s post literally can be summed up into one question!!!!!!

WHO WOULD OF THOUGHT GIVING A ONE YEAR OLD THE SIPPY CUP YOU “THOUGHT” HE WOULD WANT COULD RUIN YOUR WHOLE DAY???

Fun Family Night

Tonight after dance class we took the kids to dinner with Maw Maw & Pepa!  As usually it can be a lot of work to be in public for dinner with 2 toddlers, but sometimes it’s worth the fuss to all be together!  Overall everyone was good and very well behaved which makes this Mommy very happy!  We even went around the table and each said something thy made us happy today.  That is something my parents used to do with my brother and I every time we all sat down together for dinner.  But now days with Brent working two jobs and me getting home around 6 from daycare it seems dinner is just chaos and trying to get everyone happy with what is on my menu lol.  It is exceptionally hard when you have a son like Jean Paul who you would swear doesn’t eat all day at daycare, he literally acts like he is starving the second his feet enter our house.  But tonight even through the stress of being out to dinner it was very nice to see everyone smiling and genuinely listening to everyone tell what made them happy today!!!!!!  It made me realize that even slowing down for something as simple as that can mean so much!!!  I want to really make an effort to continue that with my kids!  After dinner Brent loaded them in my car so he could run for a gallon of milk before he headed home.  By now I’m surprised we haven’t priced our own cow due to amount of milk we buy for Jean Paul alone lol.  As we turned out of the parking lot Leighton started saying she didn’t want to go home she didn’t want the fun to stop.  So I said you want to do one more fun thing before we go home?  She screamed Yesssss which made Jean Paul scream it too!  I pulled into the next parking lot and turned my car around and headed to Aunt Abby and Lucy’s house which was only seconds away ( my kids totally think Mommy made a huge turnaround by the way I over exaggerated the movements of the car while making the U turn they have no clue their house was not out of the way and I will never tell them lol)!  As we pulled in front of our friends house we rolled down the windows and turned on all the car lights then we called Aunt Abby.  When she answered we said get Lucy and come outside!  Next thing we knew they were standing on the porch giggling as we all screamed at the top of our lungs “We love you Aunt Abby and Lucy!!!!!!!!!”  Even Jean Paul joined in too it was so precious.  Especially seeing little Lucy’s hand waving from the porch!!!!  And just like that we drove off!  The kids giggled the whole way home as Leighton kept asking Jean Paul in the back seat “ Jean Paul wasn’t that incredible?”  Once again the simplest thing that took minutes of my time made my kids smile tonight!  And after the last few weeks I needed that spur of the moment thrill just as much as them!  Only thing is Leighton also keeps saying we did a drive by tonight cause she heard me say that..... ummmmmm I really hope she doesn’t go to school tomorrow telling her friends and teachers that we did a drive by last night LOLLLLLLLL!  

Memories are made wherever you choose to make them!!!

I Will Carry You

I went to take Braxton’s tree down at the cemetery today but I couldn’t.  I just sat there shivering in the cold staring at it.  As the tears fell I started to ask him how, why and tell him I was so sorry.  All the things that I conquer in my head, in my heart and in my pain always seem to resurface.  So I find myself going through the same questions and mostly the same guilt over and over again.  I do understand it’s the viscous cycle of grief, but the one thing that always calms me is the song I first heard within weeks of learning about Braxton’s life only being capable of surviving if in my womb.  And as I pulled out my phone to take a pic of his Christmas tree one last time I found myself pulling up that song and playing it as I stood by my sons headstone crying.  By the time the song had ended I already felt the wave of peace I needed.  Before I knew it I was wiping my tears and thanking God for the amazing gift he gave me by allowing me to carry Braxton.  And as I smiled I thought to myself today is not the day to pick up his tree, it can wait.  Today I am going to listen to the words of my sweet boy and I’s song one more time!  Here are the lyrics to our special song that I played in my car daily through my pregnancy and even was blessed to have it sung by my cousin at his funeral!  I will always carry you with me Braxton...... that is a promise my sweet boy!

I WILL CARRY YOU

by Selah

There were photographs I wanted to take

Things I wanted to show you

Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes

Who could love you like this?

People say that I am brave but I'm not

Truth is I'm barely hanging on

But there's a greater story

Written long before me

Because He loves you like this

So I will carry you

While your heart beats here

Long beyond the empty cradle

Through the coming years

I will carry you

All my life

And I will praise the One Who's chosen me

To carry you

Such a short time

Such a long road

All this madness

But I know

That the silence

Has brought me to His voice

And He says

I've shown him photographs of time beginning

Walked him through the parted seas

Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes

Who could love him like this?

I will carry you

While your heart beats here

Long beyond the empty cradle

Through the coming years

I will carry you

All your life

And I will praise the One Who's chosen Me

To carry you

Leighton's First Real Playdate Was A Success

Well this weekend was a huge event for my Leighton Rose!!!  She had her very best friend come over for a whole day of playing.  It was the best day ever she said after Sophie left Saturday afternoon. 

 Not only is Sophie her best friend she is also her very first friend since she started daycare at 4 months old.  These two girls are beyond precious together.  Seems like every other day Leighton is telling me that she can't wait to tell or show Sophie when she gets to Mrs Tricia's.  Of course I ok'd the play date with Sophie's Mom before even telling Leighton yes to the question she practically has been asking me every single day for about 2 months straight now.... "Mommy can Sophie come to my house and play with me?"  I was hesitant to ask for real because I know it's a big deal to drop your child off at some one's house for a whole day.  It's such a big deal Leighton has not done it herself except with family honestly.  But luckily through the years we have felt like we have gotten to know each other better as time goes on and I was beyond happy that she trusted us to share Sophie's first real away play date!  I don't think Leighton really slept Friday night and her eyes popped open extra early on

Saturday while she was dancing and singing a song from the movie A Land Before Time, except she changed the lyrics to match her big day.........  

HEY HEY HEY TODAY'S THE DAY;

MY FRIEND SOPHIE'S COMING TO PLAY!

Before we knew it Sophie was here and the fun could begin.  

So what do you do when your best friend comes to play?

The two of them:

- made friendship bracelets

- cut and glued paper projects

- played barbies

- had a pizza party (because I was informed that Mrs Tricia said  "it's not a party without pizza")

- set up the air mattress and had popcorn and movie time

- then played some more

I don't think there was a single second in the whole day that my house wasn't filled with giggles.  I was extremely proud of both of them for sharing and treating each other so kindly all day long.  Poor Jean Paul tried to join in on some of the girl time but they weren't having any of that LOL!  I hope years from now they will both always remember their first play date and smile.  Sophie has a very special place in our hearts as she is Leighton's first true friend.  And I know Leighton loves her friendship so much.  I know they will grow up fast and travel different roads through life, but there is something truly special about your first real childhood friend.  

"Your childhood friendships are the most beautiful memories that can never be replaced"

A Sick Sunday

Well today was a lazy Sunday for sure at our house!  The crud finally caught up with Mommy & Daddy!  Thankfully the kids were beyond amazing all day long because to be honest Brent and I were completely useless today lol!!!  We had one with a visit to the walk-in still in pj’s and the rest of us never got out of ours either!  Day full of playing and sitting around followed by a 3 hour nap for everyone...... AT THE SAME TIME!  Which alone is quit amazing in itself to me!  The house is a wreck and the dishes are dirty but it will be there tomorrow!  Just bathed both kids and now we all smell good and getting in a few more snuggles till bed time.  Praying tomorrow the germs are gone and we can start fresh!!!

Missing You

No one ever wanted to have

anything more

than I wanted to have you! 

Friday Nights With My Babies

As they both sit here on top of me I can’t help but wonder what it would feel like to have one more in this moment!  It feels crowded right now but I promise you would fit.  It wouldn’t feel like anything but normal with 3 fighting for my attention.  But as hard as it is to realize you aren’t here I know such a big part of you is.  I love Friday nights at home with my babies and that includes you too Braxton.  I see you in their eyes so much every single day.  Not a day goes by that I don’t wonder how things would be different if you were still with us!  But you always seem to show us signs!  Just like tonight as we watch ice skating on TV and you sister; Leighton, screams with pride that’s Bubba’s song she is skating to Mommy!  And sure enough Amazing Grace was the song!  Her arms raised to the sky she kept looking up saying “Bubba it’s your song!”  That’s all I needed to know my Friday night was perfect with all of my babies here with me!

Some Nights They Amaze Me

Then some nights they amaze me with how sweet they can be to each other!!

A Boy And His Dino’s

The whole boy toy phase is still sinking in with me lol!  I’m so used to baby dolls, barbies and princesses!  And although Jean Paul is pretty happy with any toy you put in front of him he still loves his true boy toys!  Trucks, tractors, cars, animals and of course Dino’s are among his favorites!  I just love when he gets excited and screams “Dino Mommy Dino!”  Then once I acknowledge his Dino he always gives me a big RRROOOOOOAAAARRRRRR!  I still catch myself telling him how cute his Dino’s are and quickly try and switch my brain into boy mode..... LOL!  I still can’t figure out how stinky, dirty, little boys can be 100% all boy one moment and then in a split second can turn into sweet, precious, lovable Momma’s boys and melt our hearts!  It’s true little boys steal their Mommy’s hearts because I could just squeeze him every single night!  Mommy loves you Jean Paul and your Dino’s too!

Improv Night Conquered Fear Tonight

Well tonight’s Improv Night at the BERGERON house was just what this Mommy needed!!  Bath time was delayed which pushed bedtime back too but who cares!  When you are getting prime time entertainment like we were getting you just roll with it!  Both kids let their guard down and were in their own little world singing, dancing and dressing up to act silly!  Well Leighton may have been a little more serious about her attire and productions but we didn’t dare tell her we were laughing at every move she made lol!  After a long day at work and feeling a little under the weather this was perfect for me to cheer up!  It also is proving my New Year’s Resolution will be stronger than me this year!  Gotta let loose and just go with the flow sometimes Sarah!  Step 1 was allowing Leighton to mix match her choices in wardrobe tonight lol.  As silly as that sounds it simply is not that easy for me y’all!!!  But the Mom voice in me kept telling me just let her be her!  And you know what that ended up being so worth it!  Sh was having a blast and smiling ear to ear!  

So just to recap huge milestones already I’ve accomplished this year with Leighton alone:

- makeup application by herself and was allowed to wear it all day long

- wardrobe of her choice without steering her towards matching

LOL!  And this was all in 2 days wow I’m proud of myself lol!  But truthfully it’s all about letting the little things go this year and making memories that are worth making!  And little things for me to let go may be ridiculous to you  but I promise your little things may be ridiculous to me!!!  I should know by now I can’t control everything big or small from what we have been through with Braxton.  But maybe me trying to control so much, every single day isn’t cause I’m crazy it’s because I don’t know how else to stop major heartache from happening again.  Which yes I know sounds bizarre too but just once try and put yourself in a Grieving Mother’s shoes for just a single hour.....  I promise you things would look so different to you.  I like so many others didn’t ask for this anxiety or grief but I will survive it I guarantee you I will!  But by surviving it I have to learn how to allow my happiness to over-shine my fears!  And right now my fears far overpower everything from the moment my eyes open each morning.  I Sarah Bergeron will not allow my fears to make me think it means I am forgetting my son, yet I will face my fears to prove that my son believes I deserve every bit of happiness without feeling guilty!  So here’s to you fear...... we proved you wrong tonight as we rocked out to karaoke, danced and giggled the night away!

New Year Success

Day 1 of the New Year was a success for us!  Day filled with:

- family time

- makeup sessions with Leighton

- homemade recipes

- board games

- play dough cookie making

- multiple time outs for Jean Paul lol

- naps with snuggles

- movies

- trumpet lessons

- and a sleepover at Maw Maw & Pepa’s

WISHING YOU PEACE, LOVE AND HAPPINESS IN THE NEW YEAR!