What Seed Am I

¹⁸ 'So pay attention to the parable of the sower.

¹⁹ When anyone hears the word of the kingdom without understanding, the Evil One comes and carries off what was sown in his heart: this is the seed sown on the edge of the path.

²⁰ The seed sown on patches of rock is someone who hears the word and welcomes it at once with joy.

²¹ But such a person has no root deep down and does not last; should some trial come, or some persecution on account of the word, at once he falls away.

²² The seed sown in thorns is someone who hears the word, but the worry of the world and the lure of riches choke the word and so it produces nothing.

²³ And the seed sown in rich soil is someone who hears the word and understands it; this is the one who yields a harvest and produces now a hundredfold, now sixty, now thirty.

Today in church as I sat with Jean Paul on my lap I almost started crying.  The Gospel really made me think about my relationship with God.  It was all about knowing what type of seed you are.  I honestly was not proud with what I was learning about myself.  I feel like I have been all types of seeds.  And I'm embarrassed to admit that I am guilty of being closer to God in the times of need.  That is not OK.  Yes I feel that he gives us times of need/hardships to draw us back to him, but after all that I have endured and witnessed I do not want to be that type of Christian.  Almost like a go with the flow type of seed.  I want to be constant in my relationship with God.  I can not forget where I was only 5 short years ago.  I was sitting there thinking "Does God think that I used him to get what I want and now I am moving on?"  At that moment I literally wanted to cry.  So today I am praying for anyone and everyone that feels this way.  Somehow even though I know God forgives us always, it is still a lonely spot to be in.  I have never stopped praying or stopped worshiping, but I have been slacking.  There is no reason I should ever feel that life has gotten to busy for God.  Because truthfully the only reason my life is full of life is because of him.