Why oh why do I still believe that I can accomplish stuff with little kids around in the house. Well actually how do I think I can get anything done LOL. So my latest project/assignment as my husband calls it is to box up all the kids clothes that they don't wear anymore and donate or put up in storage. Sure I can do that............. OCD brain takes over and hours later I have made piles over and over again. But I will admit all the piles are nicely folded and categorized!!!!! Seriously what is my problem. Truth is it is hard for me to part with alot of their clothes and I know it's silly. You can show me any outfit and I can still tell you where or who I got it from and what my kids wore it too. Yes I know I am a little neurotic. I think a lot of the hard part in this task is that I know we are not having anymore babies. See after Leighton I was able to keep everything because we knew we still had a precious embryo to implant and we didn't know if it was a boy or girl. Well now there is no reason to keep all the clothes. I have wonderful friends and family that I know would truly appreciate the clothes now I just have to let myself part with them. There is another link to this heartache that I must explain. While pregnant with Braxton only a few clothing items were purchased or given to me along with a car seat. I had this image that if my miracle was able to come home because the Dr's were wrong I had to have a car seat for him. I just had too. My Mom always assured me that no matter what I would not need to worry we would get whatever we needed when the time came, but I was set on this. I needed to have this, somehow someway this was me showing I had faith that he was coming home. So that is what I got, a wonderful car seat from my Aunts for my sweet Braxton. Sadly it never was taken out of the box, but it was there and it meant they supported me in a way I needed more than they ever knew. So the car seat was there and the few special clothing items in his room. Now secretly I had the most precious outfits in my room because during my pregnancy I would hold them alot and pray. Fast forward to our return from the hospital stay. When Brent and I returned home there were alot of things missing from Braxton's room. I know in my heart this was done out of love and our family not wanting us to hurt more than we needed to. The car seat and the clothes from Braxton's room had been removed from our house in order for us to not have the little baby items staring at us day in and out. I am more than grateful for all the love and support I had in those tender days. But I also think this may be another contributing factor to why I can not part easily with Leighton and Jean Paul's things. Anyway it is time and I have to move forward from this small step in the big scheme of what is important! I have pictures and memories and that is what matters! So I am happy to report all of Leighton's clothes have been sorted and bagged to hand out so now I just need to tackle Jean Paul's, which may be a little more painful. I have allowed myself to keep the most precious items and especially the ones that all 3 of my babies skin has touched. It is a work in progress that may sound so simple to others, but it has turned out to be a major step in the healing process for me. Luckily my Mom has stepped in to help me and if we need to cry we cry and we actually shared alot of memories as we went through the first haul. But silly me decided that I could get a bucket or two done with the kids awake and playing in the house. WRONG!!!! They obviously are as attached to their things as Mommy is. Friday evening turned into let's put on our old Halloween costumes that do not fit anymore lol. After all the struggle I have had internally with this project they sure did know how to lighten the mood. We giggled for over and hour and it continued on when Daddy came home and saw what we were up too. So no nothing was accomplished yesterday as far as boxing up the clothes, but more memories were made and that makes me smile.
To some clothes may be just an item or a memory from an event in time, but sometimes to a grieving mother they are memories that never got to be made!!!
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