Today Was Not An Easy Day

"Today is one of those days that I'm getting through one minute at a time."

I visited you today,

I cried while hiding 8 times today,

I prayed for you to watch over me today,

I talked about you today,

I stared at your picture today,

I pretended you were just at daycare today,

I said your name out loud in my car just to hear it today,

I woke up with your blanket in my arms as usual today,

I wondered if you even remember my face today,

I put on your baby lotion just to smell you today,

I looked at your siblings and saw you in their eyes today,

I put on a smile to cover up the pain the best I could today,

I tried to play the strong role today,

I felt extremely lost without you today,

Daddy sent the picture of the sky you sent him today,

I tried to cover up the grief today,

I asked God to help me today,

I yelled "I just need my baby back" when a friend tried to help me today,

I ignored phone calls today,

I sat motionless unable to move today,

I told myself that tomorrow will be better today,

I forced myself to keep going today,

I lied to your sister and told her these were Mommy's happy tears today,

I read your brother one of your books today,

I counted the exact number (1,898) of days you have been gone today,

I watched your videos from your birth just to hear you today,

I wished it didn't hurt this bad today,

I couldn't hide it all as good as I usually can today,

I was reminded of how rare your disease was today,

I questioned why a lot today,

I then wondered why I was chosen to be your Mommy today,

I thanked God for the 7 hours I got to keep you today,

I told myself to remember you were mine for 7 whole hours today,

I beat myself up for being so selfish today,

Today was a hard day, but so is every other day...

I just needed you My Sweet Boy a lot TODAY!