Tomorrow truly starts the holiday season for so many people. For a grieving mother it starts so much more. The holiday season has always been one of my favorite times of year, but it also is now one of the hardest times of the year for me. I have more than I could ever ask for, yet still feel so empty for what I have had to let go. These feelings and emotions are so real for not only grieving mothers, but for everyone who is missing someone special to them during the holidays. So my prayer tonight is for everyone of us to start tomorrow off truly seeing the many blessings in our lives. And through the heartache and tears of having to go through another holiday without the ones we miss we try and find the happiness in what we do have. For me that happiness is my friends, my family, my kids and the 9 months and 7 amazing hours I was blessed to be with my son Braxton. My Thanksgiving sadly will begin with a trip to the cemetery for us to have some time with our baby in spirit, but tomorrow I vow to view it as visit with my husband and kids that I am grateful to be allowed to share with them. We will bring him one more pumpkin and let the kids tell him what they are thankful for this Thanksgiving and then do our best Gobble Gobble sounds since it has always been Leighton's favorite part of her Turkey Day visit with her Bubba! Before we leave we will stand together as a family to say a prayer and one by one each of us will tell him we love him. Then as always Brent will begin to walk the kids back down the path from Our Sweet Boys grave to the car to give me a moment to have with just my baby and me. As he loads them in the car I will say the same thing to him that I do every year and try and wipe my tears before I head to the car myself. As always once we are pulling away we will all scream "We love you Bubba!" And then finally we will head to our family Thanksgiving events one by one throughout the day.
This I know is not how most families start their holiday season but it is how we do it. It is our tradition and it brings joy to our hearts and for that I am grateful.
And as the day goes on we will be surrounded by family and laughter even though our hearts will still have hurt and pain tugging on them. But without that pain we would never know the love that we have and for that I am grateful.
And even though I get to spend tomorrow with two of my children I will still miss the one I don't get to be with. But without losing one the other two would never exist and for that I am grateful.
Tomorrow I will not allow grief to win and every time I feel it sneaking up I will conquer it with how that pain in that moment has made me grateful!
GRATITUDE
HELPS US SEE WHAT IS THERE
INSTEAD OF WHAT ISN'T.
No comments:
Post a Comment